The air was thick
with the promise
of lilacs and rain
that evening
and the clouds hovered
about my shoulders
like the mink
stole from my mother's closet.
I tried on from time to time.
I was sixteen and I knew it.
I tossed my head
like a proud pony,
My hair rippling down my back
in one golden wave
as I walked down
the sultry street.
My bare feet barely
touching the ground.
Past the sounds
of a television,
A dog barking,
A mother calling her child,
My body,
slicing through the heavy air
like a sailboat
gliding on lazy water.
When the blue car
slowed alongside me
I took no notice
Until two faces
leaned out the open window.
"Nice tits you got there ,honey."
"Hey sweetheart,
shine those headlights over here."
"Wanna go for a ride?"
I stopped,
Dazed as a fish thrust out of water
Into sunlight so bright it burns my eyes.
I turn and walk away fast
Head down, arms folded,
Feet slapping the ground.
I hear "Nice ass too."
Then laughter
The screech of tires
And silence.
All at once I am ashamed
of my new breasts
Round as may apples,
I want to slice them off
with a knife
Sharp as a guillotine.
All at once I am mortified
by my widening hips,
I want to pare them down
with a vegetable peeler
Until they are slim and boyish
All at once
I want to yank out my hair
by the roots
Like persistent weeds
that must not grow wild
But I am a sensible girl
I do none of these things
Instead I go home,
watch tv with my parents.
Brush my teeth
and braid my hair for the night
And the next day
I skip breakfast
Eat only an apple for lunch
And buy a calorie counter
Vowing to get thinner and thinner
Until I am so slim that I can slip
through the cracks in the sidewalk
and disappear. and I do.
with the promise
of lilacs and rain
that evening
and the clouds hovered
about my shoulders
like the mink
stole from my mother's closet.
I tried on from time to time.
I was sixteen and I knew it.
I tossed my head
like a proud pony,
My hair rippling down my back
in one golden wave
as I walked down
the sultry street.
My bare feet barely
touching the ground.
Past the sounds
of a television,
A dog barking,
A mother calling her child,
My body,
slicing through the heavy air
like a sailboat
gliding on lazy water.
When the blue car
slowed alongside me
I took no notice
Until two faces
leaned out the open window.
"Nice tits you got there ,honey."
"Hey sweetheart,
shine those headlights over here."
"Wanna go for a ride?"
I stopped,
Dazed as a fish thrust out of water
Into sunlight so bright it burns my eyes.
I turn and walk away fast
Head down, arms folded,
Feet slapping the ground.
I hear "Nice ass too."
Then laughter
The screech of tires
And silence.
All at once I am ashamed
of my new breasts
Round as may apples,
I want to slice them off
with a knife
Sharp as a guillotine.
All at once I am mortified
by my widening hips,
I want to pare them down
with a vegetable peeler
Until they are slim and boyish
All at once
I want to yank out my hair
by the roots
Like persistent weeds
that must not grow wild
But I am a sensible girl
I do none of these things
Instead I go home,
watch tv with my parents.
Brush my teeth
and braid my hair for the night
And the next day
I skip breakfast
Eat only an apple for lunch
And buy a calorie counter
Vowing to get thinner and thinner
Until I am so slim that I can slip
through the cracks in the sidewalk
and disappear. and I do.
By Leslea Newman
Posts
5 Comments:
Wow, that is some peice of writing, strong, honest and emotional. I held my breath all the way through.
Vx
Why would you ever be ashamed of your female body? Your breasts are something to celebrate. Do you want to look like a woman or a 12 year old boy? Your decison I suppose. I wish this poem would have been more celebratory rather than sounding so defeated......still.
Wow. What an amazing poem. I'm glad you posted it. It's so powerful....sad that a woman was made to feel that way about her beautiful body.
I think it's so sad that our society has made women view themselves as sex objects instead of the wonderful human beings we are. Our breasts, created to feed our infants are turned into objects of sexual desire....our hips, meant to carry our children safely until time for birth are examined by the invasive eyes of strange men.
It's time women took control of our bodies and our lives. We are not here on earth for the amusement of men and their opinions matter not.
At least that's my mentality of late. :)
So the pendulum swings from one extreme to the other.
Nature (God) has given us the physical attraction of one sex to the other, it is futile to deny it, but it is the context, the perspective in which that attraction is contained and expressed, yes, a matter of consciousness, that is all important.
Yes - it's good to make a stand - with strength and resolve - but it is folly to generalise.
BTW - I thought the poem was wonderful.
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