Saturday, June 16, 2007


I got into a huge fight with my husband. Mostly over how I spend my time, which sounds so ridiculous. He has been so wonderful through all of this. I know that it is hard for him. See, I never told anyone about being raped when I was eleven, until last summer. I was in therapy to deal with the anorexia, and one night it just came out when I was talking with my husband. I had thought that I could keep it a secret forever, but inside I always felt like a fraud. He has been so great. I know that he is worried, and I have given him plenty of reasons to worry. Telling about the rape brought out feelings that I had tried to forget. I began having flashbacks and panic attacks. I have had a lot of episodes where I dissassociate and cannot remember anything. He feels like I "check out" to escape. Either with the anorexia, or drinking, sleeping, or the computer. If only I could truely escape!