Monday, March 17, 2008

Navigating Through Change

Dave and I have a couples therapy session this morning, and here I am in the early morning hours, trying to form full thoughts, and piece together in my mind exactly what it is that I want to say when I get in there. I so often feel like our relationship is that of parent/child, not husband/wife, and trying to figure out all of the reasons why I feel that way. Maybe it is the lack of freedom that I feel. Having to account for every single thing that I do, where I go, every penny that I spend, how I spend and manage my time. Having to give reasons for all of that, and feeling like those reasons are never good enough. Dave has said that I am not who he married, and I wonder what it is that he misses. He fears that he is losing me, just when I have finally found me. None of this probably makes any sense, but I have faith that we will find our way, and really, that is all that matters. Maybe it is in this process of growth and change that I feel the need to fight for freedom.


Anonymous said...

You are strong. Much love, Jenny

MrsMenopausal said...

You are an amazing and strong woman. I believe you're right, you two will find your way.

I have learned that when we choose to change ourselves we force change in those around us. There's no way to avoid it. So, intended or not, each journey becomes somewhat of a group event.

Often, those close to us will fight the changes we make because no matter how difficult the circumstances there is comfort and security in familiarity. They already know what part they play in a situation that is mostly out of their control. They know what to expect, what works and what doesn't.

By changing yourself you throw that balance and that security off kilter. They are thrust into uncharted territory and they are forced to adjust and adapt.

It's not a matter of not wanting to see you heal, it's more a matter of fearing they won't do what is right as you do.

What changes all that is time. At least that has been my experience.

My blog: Weighing The Facts