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Saturday, April 19, 2008

After Dinner Conversation

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Me: "I'm full."
Husband: "You just ate dinner. Full is good."
Me: "It doesn't feel good to me."
Husband: "It is better than being hungry."
Me: Silence~(Thinking) No. It is not!

I still equate hunger with being good, clean, perfect...
Full is bad, greedy, gluttonous...

I wonder, "Will it always be this way?"

"When does recovery start to feel good?"

2 Comments:

The Speaker said...

Yes. Yes. I understand this feeling all too well.
I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR WRITING ABOUT THIS.
I immediately equate hunger and empty stomach with good, and pure and better somehow even though I have logically come to a place where I recognize that this is not true. When I can feel food in my stomach I think: dirty,fat,whore,bad,greedy,nasty,etc.etc.

The list goes on.
The only thing I can do is remind myself over and over again that these things are NOT true and will never be true.

the contents of my stomach will never determine the kind of person I am or am not.

anyway, I wrote all this to say, "YOU ARE NOT ALONE!" loudly and as testimony to how severe I feel these things, and know that you do too.

I am thinking of you.
love, jessieh

Angel said...

Thank you:)