A Disconnect

There is really no other word to describe how I feel other than blah. I’ve had a cold, and the weather has been overcast and rainy. I’m lacking energy and motivation, and also frustration with myself for feeling this way. Ever since the flashback I had two weeks ago, I have felt a disconnection with myself somehow, as if I am floating somewhat outside of myself, if that even makes any sense. I haven’t had any flashbacks since then, but I wonder if it is because I’m in some weird semi-dissociative state. Even when I am sleeping, I feel as if I’m half awake. I’m hoping it will pass, and I will feel better soon.

What else has been going on? Let’s see...I finished working on journal # 2800 last week. Dave wanted to contribute to the journal, which I was excited about, because he really chose to come along with me on this journey, and has shared so much of my pain. He drew a magnificent hummingbird on one of the front pages, and it is absolutely beautiful and perfect. He mailed it for me on Friday, so Jessieh should get it today or tomorrow. The traveling journal is on it’s way!

In other news, my oldest son, Christian, had his first car accident Friday evening. He and a friend were out driving my PT Cruiser and someone sideswiped him, and then took off. Thank God, no one was hurt, besides my beloved cruiser, which now has a good sized dent on her passenger side door. She is going in for some cosmetic repairs on Thursday, and hopefully will be good as new. Christian will be driving the mini-van from now on! I have a feeling that these teenaged years are going to take quite a toll.