Here and Now

"The 1000 Journals Project is an ongoing collaborative experiment attempting to follow 1000 journals throughout their travels. The goal is to provide a method for interaction and shared creativity among friends and strangers. Those who find the journals add something to them. A story, drawing, photograph, anything really. Then they pass the journal along, to a friend or stranger, and the adventure continues." For more information about the book or documentary, go to http://1000journals.com/ I started a journal for survivors of sexual abuse to share their story, poetry, and artwork. Here is the cover and scanned pages from Jessieh Speaks , a seventeen year old sexual abuse survivor who is wise and gifted beyond her years. ~The cover of Journal 2800~ Jessieh's journal pages

There is really no other word to describe how I feel other than blah. I’ve had a cold, and the weather has been overcast and rainy. I’m lacking energy and motivation, and also frustration with myself for feeling this way. Ever since the flashback I had two weeks ago, I have felt a disconnection with myself somehow, as if I am floating somewhat outside of myself, if that even makes any sense. I haven’t had any flashbacks since then, but I wonder if it is because I’m in some weird semi-dissociative state. Even when I am sleeping, I feel as if I’m half awake. I’m hoping it will pass, and I will feel better soon. What else has been going on? Let’s see...I finished working on journal # 2800 last week. Dave wanted to contribute to the journal, which I was excited about, because he really chose to come along with me on this journey, and has shared so much of my pain. He drew a magnificent hummingbird on one of the front pages, and it is absolutely beautiful and perfect. He mailed it for me on...

I have finished my work on journal #2800 today. Tomorrow it will begin it's journey, and I'm really hoping that I don't lose track of it, although the history of the 1000 journals project says that I will. Hopefully the survivors that contribute will find that some healing comes from speaking their truth. I was struggling with flashbacks and painful memories today. All that I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and drift as far away as possible, but instead, I opened up the journal, started cutting and sprinkling glitter, and when I was finished, I somehow felt connected to myself again. Healing takes time, but a little glitter never hurt anything either!

I Write I choose a random page from the journal to begin a story that I have told before. Although still, I cannot speak most of these words aloud. A random page for a random crime. I remind myself as I write, that it was another place, another time. There is a phrase so often that I repeat in my mind, and as I write, it is the anchor that holds my pen to the page. "I am here, I am now." Angela Minard 2008

My dear friend, Jessieh is going to design the cover art for the journal, so I will be sending it off to her as soon as I'm finished with it, but here it is in it's very stark, naked state.