Here and Now

My Nonni, which is what I called my grandma, used to call me"Angel." I loved that...believing that one day I would fly, and ever since, I've loved angels, fairies, unicorns, and butterfly wings. My mom has always said that she was a beautiful soul, too gentle for this world. I looked forward to her laughter, followed by a hacking cough, because she smoked pack after pack of cigarettes. Sadness surrounded her though, the shades drawn, amber pill bottles filled the coffee table next to the worn upholstered chair that she sat in for most of her day. She loved to watch General Hospital, and I would sit and watch with her. We would talk about the characters, and how horrible Erica Cane was. She bought me frilly Easter dresses, and made me feel like a beautiful and treasured doll. At her funeral, I carried my first born son on my hip. She would never hold my babies in her soft arms. I miss her. She is the angel that watches over me.

There are days when what is the past can seem to overshadow the beauty of the present. I wrote this poem awhile back At times, as we all do, I still need to be reminded and that is the reason for the title of this blog I am here I am now ~Here And Now~ For me, my husband, and of course, my four angels! Don't Turn Around Oh, the strong arms of a quiet man! My heart expands beneath his warm hands. Love grows strong and days swirl fast. Spinning, spinning, spinning past. One, two, three, four... Golden arms, baby tears. Their sweet whispered secrets in my ear. So, I must not waste away Always trying to hide from pain Seeking shadows, finding rain The past can never be undone, and shadows often lie. Nightmares turn my dreams to dust. Stealing what is mine to trust. Hold on tight! Feet on the ground Grasp this life Don't turn around Angela Minard 2007