Here and Now

I've finally made it to Friday. It has felt like a really long week at work. I'm still getting hit on a regular basis, which isn't fun, but I'm determined not to let this kid bully me into getting his way, and escaping from the demands placed upon him. I'm definitely ready for this weekend. I'm planning on going out to lunch with a friend on Saturday. I'm looking forward to seeing her, but not the lunch part. I'm used to sticking with my protein bar in the afternoon, so stepping outside of that right now is going to be hard, but I'm going to do it anyway. I think the more difficult part will be not restricting the rest of the day. Yesterday I did eat three times. It wasn't much, but for me, just breaking the rule in my head is important. I'm trying to take my recovery from this relapse day by day, and not get overwhelmed by how far I have to go. I'm going to try to keep on challenging the eating disorder, and even though it brings up feel...

Summer vacation is officially over for me. I started back to work today, and it was already stressful. My placement usually changes every year, and this year wasn't any different, but I was hoping that I could stay put. Last year, I was in a junior high autism classroom, but this year, they have moved me into two early childhood autism classrooms. I'm not a big fan of the little people:-D I have always really liked the older kids. There are pros and cons. The pros are that I won't get beat up as much, and when I do, it will hurt less. The cons are that I have to start over again with new people, and change is scary. I will miss the staff at my old school. I'm trying to have a positive attitude though. I talked with my supervisor, and told her that I wasn't all that comfortable working with the little people, and she said to try it for a few weeks, and if I still thought that it wasn't for me, then they would look for a new placement for me. I was proud of mysel...

Yesterday I wandered through the grocery store alone. Often times, Dave goes with me, and shopping is quite different on my own. I meander slowly up and down the isles, looking at food, pondering what to get. I have no problem getting the foods that my family likes, but I hesitate to get what I like. Yesterday was different, and it wasn't a big deal, except that I picked out a cereal that I wanted to try. Why is that a milestone? Well, I rarely eat breakfast. I have a dozen excuses for why this is, but I actually thought about breaking my rule. This morning when I woke up though, my first reaction was, no way! I watched Dave eat the cereal instead, and was so frustrated with myself. I had an appointment with my nutritionist today, and we talked about why I'm restricting. I tried to convince her that I only needed to eat once a day, and that I was functioning just fine, thank you very much! Then she started to ask me about symptoms, such as dizziness, being light headed, shakin...