Here and Now

I saw this coming...  I noticed the fatigue, the aching, the tightness in my chest suggesting a panic attack was imminent. I knew I needed to slow down, and had even planned a spring break breather. Fortunately, or unfortunately, my body is on it's own schedule, and spring break wasn't soon enough. The first sign was an unattractive fever blister, followed by the full blown flu. Thank you, Universe! I get it! There is always a lesson, and as my life came to a halt, I had no choice but to listen.  I love being a caregiver. If you give me a chance, I will wrap you in a warm hug, and tell you how amazing you are. I'm not nearly as comfortable being the recipient, and that may be an understatement. While being sick, my lovely friends offered support, soup, pep talks, and love. When asked if I needed anything, I refused. It didn't matter. I was still well taken care of. I was embraced with care at every turn. Complete strangers cared for me, and it brought me to t...

I have been in pain for weeks, clenching my jaw through yoga practices, and doing the opposite of what I tell my students to do, which is to listen to and honor their bodies. It isn't the first time I have pushed through pain. Emotionally and physically, it is how I lived for a very long time. Although recovered from anorexia, the toll it took on my body has left my bones and joints weak from osteoporosis. I developed osteoarthritis specifically in my hip joints, and eventually they will both need to be replaced. I manage the pain with medication, but occasionally need steroid injections to decrease the inflammation. I have been teaching a lot of classes, and physically exhausting myself. The added pain is wearing me down. I went in to see the orthopedic surgeon, and the nurse took my temperature. I had a fever of 101.8. I have no idea why. I don't have a cold or anything. I just feel exhausted. I love teaching yoga, but it is difficult when you don't feel well. ...

I have had this blog now for about 8 years It began as a recovery journal  and has evolved into a space for poetry positive thoughts  and how yoga was the catalyst for my healing but it is no longer about my destruction  My identity is not the many diagnoses I have procured throughout the years I am not anorexic or a PTSD acronym depressed or suicidal  I am not manic or bi-polar  I am not a label  I am a person... sometimes happy and sometimes sad  I am scared, overwhelmed, giddy, and devastated  I am human  I am joyful, and insecure doubtful, and filled with hope... We are all a kaleidoscope of brilliant colors and when our colors radiate out  the magnificence blinds me  My identity is more complex than all of those meaningless descriptors  and yet we can easily allow ourselves to become trapped inside of empty boxes We begin to wear these labels as an excuse  and although ...

Remember This I imagine radiating joy as the winter sun pulses dazzling crystal blue sky vast and cloudless I imagine your spirit smiling on the inside as the warm bubbles tickle; rising from your belly  into my heart before gently emerging  dancing across your face This...This...This... swells within my heart; breath catching vibrant and alive echoing into the silent, empty spaces Remember This... This... This... "I am not burdened by your feelings but rather honored that of all of the people in your life you choose me..." Angela Minard 2016©

I have been thinking about joy this week. Even the word "joy" brings about a shift in energy, doesn't it? I instinctively begin reaching, as if I could grasp that beautiful feeling, holding it close. I taught a few yoga classes today, and I read this quote throughout my classes.  "Difficult times are your greatest opportunity to practice yourself into joy."  ~ The Secret Scrolls by Rhonda Byrne Does that mean you choose joy or happiness? No, not all of the time, or at least I don't think so... I disagree with telling people that they can choose to be happy. It isn't a light switch that you can turn on and off, and no one would choose depression. Like anything you are striving for in life, it is a practice. Especially when I am in the depths of winter, and the shadows lengthen over me, I pursue those experiences and people that bring me joy. Close your eyes, and breathe joy; Taste joy, smell, joy, touch and remember those times of com...