Here and Now

I'm finding it interesting as I travel through my time here on earth, how clearly I can make sense of my journey from the grace of distance. Only weeks ago I was paralyzed with fear, unsure of what I had manifested in my life, and worried about the unknown. My husbands neurology appointment was looming, and fear of the unknown state of his health paired with my own fear of being successful left me frozen in my tracks. My first instinct was to withdraw and check out, which I did for awhile, but all that created was more suffering and anxiety. I made a decision to stop a certain behavior that I won't go into here, but it was harmful, and getting in the way of healing. I'm not sure why I turned this particular corner when I did, but it has left me with a beautiful feeling of lightness.  Last week, Dave and I went to his appointment, and it was not the news that we wanted to hear. The radiation he had last year to treat his brain tumor didn't work, and his tumor is...

My mind has been wandering lately, and I am a gifted daydreamer, if I do say so myself! It wasn't until this week though that I acknowledged what a wonderful and healthy coping skill it is to have. I found myself struggling this week, and through visualizing a safe space, I was able to self soothe and ground myself so that I didn't dissociate. I had moments of dissociation, but it never developed into a full blown episode, and for that, I am grateful. Life is happening, and after so many years of unhealthy coping, the feelings seem to fall like a rain storm. I have my freak out moments! I'm always wanting to know the reasons why I'm feeling a certain way, and if I can't come up with a reason, then I become frustrated, and tend to want to dismiss the feelings. This is where therapy comes in to really piss me off! I want a reason, dammit! I don't want to accept the feelings without a reason! Yeah, something to work on... This week has worn me out both men...

Your Shoulder If I could close my eyes and sit with my head resting on your shoulder in this time and space that is ours with only our breath and our words to speak or to be silent If I could listen beyond the chatter of thought to the memory of your voice as you let me linger in stillness trusting that you are here with me now and I am always safe it would no longer be  a daydream   Angela Minard 2015©