Angry Hunger

I'm angry because I am hungry~ Notice the similarities between those two words. All I can get down is hot chocolate and hot tea. I'm not thinking clearly. I don't have brain cells to really spare. I'm an idiot...How in the world did I get to this point?
I will call a few treatment places tomorrow. I'm nervous about it. I know that my weight has nothing to do with how sick I am, but I feel as if I'm not thin enough to even consider in-patient. Too fat to worry about. How am I going to leave my family for a month or more. It sounds so selfish. What kind of mother leaves her kids. How will they understand this? God, this is hard. I do feel loved by so many people. That love is what drives me. I want to be able to deserve that love.

Game Day

I'm gazing past the chain link fence,

to my son,

standing on the sidelines.

I sit and watch

while the other parents talk and cheer.

The men shout phrases that their sons don't hear.

"Loosen up out there!

Stay low... Get on top of 'em!"

I open my book and keep to myself,

avoiding eye contact.

Always waiting.

A chance to compare.

Who is taller, brighter, faster, smarter?

Chitter chatter.

Tedious and boring,

so I pretend to read,

all the while,

my heart is gazing

past the chain link fence,

to my son,

standing on the sidelines.

Angela Minard 2007