Saturday, November 10, 2007

Angry Hunger

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I'm angry because I am hungry~ Notice the similarities between those two words. All I can get down is hot chocolate and hot tea. I'm not thinking clearly. I don't have brain cells to really spare. I'm an idiot...How in the world did I get to this point?
I will call a few treatment places tomorrow. I'm nervous about it. I know that my weight has nothing to do with how sick I am, but I feel as if I'm not thin enough to even consider in-patient. Too fat to worry about. How am I going to leave my family for a month or more. It sounds so selfish. What kind of mother leaves her kids. How will they understand this? God, this is hard. I do feel loved by so many people. That love is what drives me. I want to be able to deserve that love.