Total Recovery
I've been trying on and fitting into clothes that I haven't been able to wear in awhile, and it is exhilarating, but it also scares me. Whenever I have lost weight in the past, it has never been enough. What if this time is no different? What if I'm fooling myself into believing that I'm recovering. The obsessive thoughts about my weight are still there, and maybe those never go away. It makes me feel so sad to think about forever having a sick mind, and having to be attached to this eating disorder for the rest of my life. I guess the truth is that I haven't convinced myself that there is such a thing as total recovery. Yes, I'm feeding my body more often than not, and I'm exercising, but am I working out to be healthy, or to lose weight? I need to be honest with myself about this, and really all that I want is to lose more weight. Today I see my nutritionist, and I don't usually ask her to weigh me, but I want to know if I've lost more. I actually ...
