Here and Now

Why do I let the sick parts of my past take over the present, making me sick in the future? This is when I have the choice to make, and it’s really quite simple. “Go over to the refrigerator or the cupboard, and find something to eat.” I’ve been saying this phrase to myself all afternoon, the light fades, and here I still sit, with an empty stomach and a racing heart. There are days when I just will not do it. I can’t even find it in myself to get angry, and I wish that the indifference would frighten me. I need the anger to recover, and I need to eat to feel. It is a vicious cycle, and the kitchen is only a few footsteps away.

Even in the desert, a flower can bloom. I have been thinking quite a bit lately about choices, and how they pertain to the lives we lead. We do not always choose the circumstances in which we find ourselves, but we can choose how we respond to them. We ALL live a life and even though we may have some of the same experiences, or have been a part of the same situations, we are all affected differently. We all have our own story, from our own point of view. We all walk our own path. We all react based on our own internal make-up. We cannot expect another to “ get over something ” or to “ let it go ” because our trials and our tribulations are what make us who we are. Our trials can be used as positive growth or hinder us from moving forward based on what we choose, but moving forward does take time and healing, and no one else can determine the pace at which we heal. Most of the time it is two steps forward, and one step back, and those steps can be frustrating, but ultimately, we choose ...

I started out my day today with the clear intentions of making it a positive day. Yes, occasionally a negative thought would enter my mind, but today the positive prevailed. Is it really as simple as that? No, not always, but I want to strive to reach for the light that surrounds me and leave the shadows behind. Why does it sometimes seem that the most simple of choices can feel so difficult? Choices though, are awfully nice to have. ~Henry David Thoreau~ "We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aid, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn."