Here and Now

Today I have already accomplished one of the chores on my list, which was to do some deep cleaning in my kitchen. Tomorrow, I think I may tackle our refrigerator. Yuck! I sat outside today, and just let my mind wander, while I listened to some music on my i-pod. I love the warmth of the sun on my skin, and summer is my favorite time of the year. I'm so lucky to have a break from work, so that I can enjoy it. I'm trying to figure out when we can go to Florida. Dave and I both have high school reunions to attend, and the boys have activities to work around. I'm hoping that it will work out though. Today I have a therapy appointment, and then tomorrow Dave and I have couples therapy. I'm not fond of couples therapy. I get so nervous about what he is going to say. I feel like I'm doing better, but I know that he has concerns. We tend to protect each other too much. I don't want him to worry about me, so I try to keep my feelings in check around him. I feel like he t...

I'm so very tired right now. Tired of running. Tired of hiding from myself. Hiding from bad boys who think that they are men. Boys who do bad things. Bad things to an afraid young girl. I'm just so tired. I want peace. I want to take back what was mine. My body. My soul. My life. These were the first words that I wrote when I started this blog on June 13th, 2007, and this will be my 600th post. I had just started seeing a therapist at this time, and she suggested that I journal as a way to start finding my voice. I needed an outlet for all of the pain that I was feeling inside, but for me, I needed to learn to find and use my voice in a way that felt safe. I didn't fully realize that others would actually find and read this blog, but it came as a nice surprise. The comments of support and empathy encouraged me to be honest, and to continue sharing. Sometimes I'm discouraged by my relapses and setbacks when it comes to recovery. It has been a long road, but I do believe ...

Lately, the stress of my job has turned me into a "weekends only" blogger. I usually write much more often, but work has been so busy that I haven't had the energy to get on the computer in the evenings. I have been working in a preschool in the afternoons doing assessments on two little guys who were just recently diagnosed with autism. They are so darned cute that I can barely keep from scooping them up into my arms and just loving on them! One of the boys is very high functioning, and is doing very well in the pre-school setting. The other boy has the double whammy of being diagnosed with muscular dystrophy, so he is also dealing with the challenge of that on top of having autism. I was so nervous about my new placement, but I have really enjoyed being around the small kiddos, and the teacher and para's in the classroom have been very welcoming, so I think that I will have a lot of fun there. On Wednesday, I had a good therapy session, and was able to talk through ...