I Am Deserving

"The things you are passionate about are not random, they are your calling."

~Fabienne Fredrickson

 

This past week has been filled with many emotions, mixed with a dash of craziness, and ending with gratitude. It began Sunday with a bit of crazy. There was some freezing rain here in the evening, and as we were finishing dinner, Dave and I heard a crashing sound. The boys had gone downstairs, and we thought maybe they were goofing around. Dave went and looked out the front door, and someone had crashed their car into my oldest son's car that was parked on the street. Luckily the young man who was driving was not hurt, although both cars are in bad shape.

Dave started his radiation Cyber Knife treatments this week, so we were both anxious about how he would be feeling, but so far it is going better than we expected. He has had a lot of nausea, some blurred vision, and dizziness, but nothing compared to what recovering from surgery would be like, so we are thankful. He has three more treatments this week, and that should be all he will need.

The best part of my week happened on Thursday. I took a yoga class from my beloved yoga teacher Emily, who also owns the studio. After class she told me that she had placed an envelope at the front of the room for me. She told me that I may want to wait and open it at home, which I did. It was a beautiful card saying how much they all loved me at the studio, and because of my dedication, they were offering me a scholarship to do the teacher's training which begins in January. The scholarship, paired with financial help from my step-dad will allow me to pursue a deeper journey into my yoga practice, and hopefully allow me to share this passion with others. I'm beyond grateful and excited!

 

The upcoming week will be short, and I'm looking forward to the holiday break. Dave will be finished with his treatments, and we can move on to keeping him healthy. There is so much to look forward to, so I'm going to make a huge effort not to worry about it all being taken away from me, which is something I tend to do. I will repeat this mantra~ "I am deserving, I am deserving, I am deserving..."  

Wide Open

I'm in an overwhelming space of clarity, if that is even possible. Can you be overwhelmed with clarity? When you allow yourself to be wide open, without judgment of yourself or others, it is amazing all that you can see. My youngest son is in the confusing place of being a 16 year old in 2013. I struggle with how to help him, because I truly do not know what it is like for him. How do any of us survive our teenage years? I have the luxury of stepping back, and I can offer suggestions, but that is all I can do. We have to make our own mistakes, and that is always how we learn and grow. It is painful to watch someone you love be lost in confusion.

 

I've been thinking so much about my future, and where yoga is taking me. I took a workshop yesterday on using yoga in the classroom, which was very inspiring. I already use some yoga and breathing techniques with my students, but I'm excited to incorporate it even more into the classroom environment. I'm determined to go ahead with teacher's training in January, although I'm not sure how I'm going to pay for it at this point. It will all work itself out one way or another. I know that I'm meant to share my knowledge and my journey. All that I can do is continue on my path of learning, be open to change, and embrace whatever comes my way.

Yay

I had such an amazing yoga practice this afternoon, where the entire practice felt like a moving meditation, and I'm still flooded with a sense of peace and contentment. I don't have any pain in my hip right now, and I'm so grateful to be able to practice again. Not only was I missing the yoga itself, but I was also missing all of the friends I have made. I'm not going to allow what is going on in my body to steal my dreams. If I have to have surgery this year it may delay the teachers training, and my practice will be different, but where I am now, and what I'm going through is meant to teach me something if I can stop resisting and be open to whatever comes my way.

Today I practiced beside a new friend, and her energy was very soothing and calm. After class we were talking, and she told me she is a massage therapist. I have been wanting to get a massage but I knew that I would have to feel a certain level of comfort and trust with someone, and I knew it would have to be a female. I'm going to schedule a massage with her, and she also said she would like to get together to practice yoga. Yay for new friends!

I have a few days off work before summer school begins, but I'm actually excited to be teaching this summer. I'll be working in a few different pre-school autism classrooms, and I've really grown to love the little ones. It wasn't my comfort zone at first because I was so used to working with high school students, but it has been fun, and I don't have the stress and fear of being injured. The aggression of a 4 year old is not nearly as frightening as someone who is a teenager. My days are lighthearted, and I get more hugs!

 

Yay for hugs!

It Takes Vision

 

I've been thinking about the vision board I created this summer. Right now it is rolled up in the back seat of my car because I had taken it to show my therapist, but I don't want my dreams and goals to take a back seat. I've been trying to figure out a way to be able to do the yoga teachers training at my studio. I've been looking on-line for scholorships, but I really want to do the training with Emily Darling, who is such an amazing and compassionate teacher. Many of the scholarships I have found would have me traveling to India! I waver back and forth between telling myself that I'm not ready for the training, but then the passion I feel for wanting to learn more about yoga takes over. In a brave moment, I messaged Emily on Facebook and asked her if she knew anything about scholarships or grants because I wanted to do the teachers training. She said she would look into it for me, and actually said it would be great if I could be in the training. Of course, she is too kind to say otherwise, but it still felt good. What I think felt the best was that I am beginning to reach out and ask for help, pushing past the fear of rejection. I need to hold on to this dream, and to believe that I can achieve it because when the vision starts to fade, I too begin to fade.