Hypocrite
I'm such a hypocrite! I just finished telling someone that I care about that they shouldn't restrict, when it is exactly what I have been doing! I'm starting to lose the weight that I had gained back, and all that my mind says is more, more, more! This eating disorder rules my life. It is what takes up most of the thoughts in my head, and that is sad and ridiculous. And, I can't seem to stop it. To be honest, most of me does not truly want to recover. I just want everyone to think that I'm recovered while I make elaborate plans on how to starve myself without anyone noticing. Such bullshit.