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Sunday, August 26, 2007

Hypocrite




I'm such a hypocrite! I just finished
telling someone that I care about
that they shouldn't restrict, when it is
exactly what I have been doing! I'm starting
to lose the weight that I had gained back,
and all that my mind says is more, more, more!
This eating disorder rules my life. It is what
takes up most of the thoughts in my head,
and that is sad and ridiculous. And, I can't
seem to stop it. To be honest, most of me does
not truly want to recover. I just want everyone to
think that I'm recovered while I make elaborate
plans on how to starve myself without anyone
noticing. Such bullshit.

2 Comments:

dyingtodance said...

I dont think that you need to feel like a hypocrite. You know how painful an existence this is and are just trying to stop someone from having to go through this hell. I also sometimes dont want to recover. I am doing it for others never for myself and I think that you need to do it for YOU. Hope things start to get better for you.

Angel said...

I wish that I could do it for me. I don't think anyone can truly recover though until they want to do it for themselves. I hope I can find my way to that place. Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it:)