Here and Now

I'm in an argumentative mood, and so I'm trying to keep myself quiet and still. Most of these arguments are stirring within, although earlier today I was also arguing with the author of the book I am currently reading. I decided to put it down for awhile. It could also be that I'm being judgmental and bitchy.  Sunday evenings often cause my stomach to clench with anticipation and anxiety, and even more so because this coming weekend is my final weekend of yoga teacher's training. The final written test is Friday, and then my practicum class is Sunday afternoon, and even though I have been teaching for months, I'm still nervous.  Writing is a quiet activity for me because it silences the screaming voice in my head. She is the one who is judgmental and bitchy, and unfortunately I'm along for the ride.  I taught my yoga class this morning, and later, as I was going over it in my mind, I thought about how I find myself offering the very thing that I n...

Haunted Houses I need gentle arms  soft breath playful banter compassionate eyes confused thoughts warm hands you are real, you are real, you are real not a memory  remembering hurts My heart is not  a house I am made up of fragile bones pulsing blood beneath tender skin Don't haunt me with your memories Angela Minard 2014©

Imagine that you've lost your footing...we all do at times. The earth beneath our feet shifts, becoming soft, and what seemed certain gives way. We flail, clawing for something solid to hold on to, and it is within this chaos that we hopefully find some amount of inner strength and peace. It is always there inside each and every one of us, but often we forget to look to ourselves, instead searching for wisdom and comfort from people who are seeking the same truth. Truth is who we already are, strength is who we are. We are wisdom, we are peace, but what is so glaringly simple can also be nearly impossible to see when we allow our own shadows to shroud our beauty, gifts, and light. I'm the master of negative self talk, and constantly look for validation from others that I am worthy. I'm realizing that if I continue living in this way, happiness will be fleeting. Compliments quickly turn into criticism from someone else, so I'm like a pinball bouncing every w...

I'm exhausted, and maybe I shouldn't be writing on my blog in this state, but here I am anyway... I'm in the home stretch of yoga teacher's training, or at least the 200 hr. training, and it seems that my emotions run high on these weekends. I'm passionate about yoga, and how it has helped me to heal. This is not even a fraction of what I still have to learn about yoga, and yet I have been lucky enough to have someone believe in me enough to give me the chance to begin my teaching journey. There are people in my yoga community who don't think I should be teaching, and I didn't realize the competitiveness of this business. I have been hurt recently by people who I believed were my friends, and it makes me sad and uncomfortable. I realize that I have only been practicing yoga for three years, but I am determined, dedicated, and I do believe I have something to offer. Ever since I found my way onto the yoga mat I have made an effort to focus inward, to...

I think about how I made my way to a yoga studio, and it had nothing to do with making friends or being connected, although that is one of the best things to come out of discovering yoga. I'm not even sure what I was looking for...a way to lose weight without drawing attention to my treatment team that I was trying to find yet another way to abuse my body. I won't lie...I abused yoga in the beginning...I made my way to sometimes three classes a day in an attempt to exercise in a less strenuous and controlled manner, while also restricting my food intake. It didn't take long for me to figure out that my former gymnasts body was still flexible, but not very strong, and the osteoporosis from anorexia was not helping anything. I wanted to be good at yoga, like everything else, but strength played an important role, and starving myself would not get me very far. I practiced during every free moment, also listening to the advice of my teachers. I wanted...

Naked If you were naked what would you wish  to see? Close your eyes  and think about sand  like tiny diamonds sparkling warm  beneath your feet the taste of salt  as you breathe misty ocean air covering your body seaweed clothing draping blue  green skin  alive, alive, alive If you were naked what would you wish to see? Angela Minard 2014©

November It begins here the imperceptible lengthening of shadow darkness barely far enough ahead  trying not to stumble over the ominous gloom her icy fingers reach out desperate to feed upon light each morning becomes an excruciating battle between the dull, grey monotony of ordinary life versus rare moments of pure and exuberant incandescence disappointment hangs in the air frozen exhales suspended like small clouds the thickening fog swallowing every thought every breath until there is nothing beyond the silence  of November Angela Minard 2014© Photography~Nicholas Bell