Headed Back to Kansas

I'm on my way back home to Kansas tomorrow morning, and leaving is bittersweet. I've had such a nice time with my family, and it is hard for me to be away from them. We were so close for a long time, and my mom and I practically grew up together. Through the divorce, we went through a lot, and she taught me what it meant to have strength. I miss Dave and the boys though, and I will be happy to get back to them. Tonight I went to a Japanese restaurant for dinner, and then I called Dave when I got home, and they were having Bagel Bites, so I did feel a bit guilty. Not too much though! I have been pampered and well taken care of here. It has been nice.

I've been anxious because I haven't been able to walk on the treadmill while I've been here, but I know it is good to have a break, and not to be so hard core and obsessive about it. That is what I keep telling myself! I feel like I've gained weight since I've been here, but I'm sure that's all in my head. My head is not always the best place place to be.
On to other things...Today I was able to see a former student and her family that moved to Georgia. They came over to visit, and it was so great to see them. I worked with her for three years, and I'm just crazy about both her and her family. It makes me feel so good that they wanted to see me while I was in town. I'm so blessed to have so many people who care about me. Today I feel very loved, and you can't beat that!

Home Sweet Home

Kansas City


I walked off of the plane yesterday, and it felt as if I were moving in slow motion. The beautiful faces of my husband, and each precious face of our boys standing at the glass window, waving their arms and grinning from ear to ear will be something that I hold in my heart forever! I smiled so much yesterday that my face was sore. I feel so unbelievably loved and cherished. It makes me sad to think of the time that I wasted. I plan on making up for it though, by living each moment to the fullest.
Today my husband and I are going to go Christmas shopping. I'm looking forward to spending the day with him. He and the boys put up the tree before I came home, so I won't have to worry about that. I baked Italian Christmas cookies last night and made real homemade hot cocoa. It just feels so good to be home! I sat down and ate dinner with everyone, which was something that I used to rarely do, and Roman said, "Mom, your really eating with us", with a huge smile on his face.

There is no place like home", said the girl from Kansas.

I'm Free!

I was discharged from Renfrew this morning. Sweet freedom! 30 days without diet coke. Such torture. I'm so glad that I went though. I'm feeling much more positive and confident in my recovery. Treatment was very intense. The first week was the hardest. I had a few problems adjusting, and was so depressed when I arrived. I didn't even realize how much I hated myself. The second day there I had a big problem with self injurious behaviors, and really bruised and scratched up my arms. Once I settled in, and had my meds adjusted, my outlook began to look brighter and brighter. I met so many wonderful women while I was there. We all became quite close to one another, and it was actually very hard to say goodbye this morning. I would definitely recommend Renfrew to anyone with any type of eating disorder.

My step-dad picked me up this morning, and I'm staying with them until Sunday when I fly back home. Everyone has been so supportive. I am so lucky to have been blessed with amazing friends and family. It will be nice to spend some time with my parents and my brother before I go home. I miss Dave and the boys so much that it hurts. I can't wait to see them. I have definitely missed my friends here! No computer, cell phone, newspaper, and no time in the day to really even watch the news on t.v. I felt so cut off from the world. I was definitely ready to get out. I feel like I'm on my way toward recovery, but I know that there will be bumps along the way. I learned some great coping skills though, and feel like I will be able to put those to use when I need to.

I have so many blogs to catch up on, so I had better get busy! Thank you all for all of your kind comments, and the wonderful cards that you all sent me. Getting mail was one of the highlights of my day!

Much love,
Angie

A Perfect Circle

A Perfect Circle

There is no beginning.
No perfect ending.
Fear of losing.
Never having
anything
To call your own.
How can you be lost
If you can’t call it home?

There is no beginning
No perfect ending.
Until you close the circle.
Call it your own.
Then you can say
you found your way
home.

Angela Minard