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Monday, June 15, 2009

Life Choices

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Even in the desert, a flower can bloom.

I have been thinking quite a bit lately about choices, and how they pertain to the lives we lead. We do not always choose the circumstances in which we find ourselves, but we can choose how we respond to them. We ALL live a life and even though we may have some of the same experiences, or have been a part of the same situations, we are all affected differently. We all have our own story, from our own point of view. We all walk our own path. We all react based on our own internal make-up. We cannot expect another to “get over something” or to “let it go” because our trials and our tribulations are what make us who we are. Our trials can be used as positive growth or hinder us from moving forward based on what we choose, but moving forward does take time and healing, and no one else can determine the pace at which we heal. Most of the time it is two steps forward, and one step back, and those steps can be frustrating, but ultimately, we choose in what direction to go. Did I choose to have an eating disorder? No, I did not. It was used as a coping skill to deal with a trauma that occurred in my life, and letting go of it when it was my safety and security for so long is difficult, but I'm choosing life and recovery. I make mistakes, I fall backwards at times, and it is a daily battle in my mind between my healthy voice, and the voice of my eating disorder. I share my daily struggles in this blog, and writing here helps me to sort out all of the thoughts that swirl around in my mind. I have had comments from people who only want to read my happy and positive thoughts, but this is my journey TOWARDS healing, and there are many times when I stumble. Yes, I still have anger. I kept those feelings buried inside for a long time, and part of healing is being able to express those feelings. I would certainly like to think that more often than not, I am finding the joy and laughter in life. There are definitely aspects of my life that trip me up, but on most days, I have never been happier. One of the first and the most important parts of my recovery was reaching out for help and breaking my years of silence, and that is what I encourage anyone who is dealing with an eating disorder or trauma to do.

12 Comments:

Anonymous said...

You are on the right road to being a victor and not a victim. It's hard to see the happiness you proclaim to be feeling in most of your blogs because that is not something you usually focus on, but every day, if you can find that one flower that is still thriving in the dessert you will start to have fewer darker days and will enjoy the brighter ones. Stay focused on what is ahead of you and not what is behind you and you will get there!

Anonymous said...

Everyone wants to see you succeed.

PinkLady said...

you have done well Angela... no pressure... do it at your own pace. GOD BLESS :)

Robin said...

You inspire me to work harder... there is no quick fix but there is strength in knowing you are not alone.

Anonymous said...

Don't get mired down in connecting with other people who have the same limtations as you. Sometimes it's helpful to know you are not alone, but it's important to surround yourself with people who are healthy and who are in a place you want to be so that you have something to strive for. Being held back by others who are struggling as well will not promote healing.

Angel said...

I'm surrounded by many people who are healthy role models, and who believe in me. I have no limitation, only hope that I will beat this. I'm never held back by others who are struggling. If I can inspire others to work harder, than that makes me want to also work harder to one day become a good role model. I hope that others can learn from some of the mistakes that I have made. We should all be here to support each other, at least that is my wish. To support and encourage.

Dianna said...

This sounds like a very "healthy voice"! I'm praying for you:)

clean and crazy said...

i know what you mean about sharing difficult times it helps me too when we both are able to connect like this. i am the same way and i know some people don't approve of some of my beliefs but the people i find following me are a lot like you, during good times and bad they still take time to show they care.

PJ said...

it sounds to me that you are very intelligent and your passion comes through in your words. i have no doubt that you will succeed.

Daisy said...

For your honesty, talents and beauty inside.. I have a special award for you...

Pick it up here

;-)

Angel said...

Thank you for the award, Daisy:)

Jennifer said...

I just wanted to offer my support -- everyone goes at their own pace in recovery and I think you're doing great!