Good Enough

Summer vacation is officially over for me. I started back to work today, and it was already stressful. My placement usually changes every year, and this year wasn't any different, but I was hoping that I could stay put. Last year, I was in a junior high autism classroom, but this year, they have moved me into two early childhood autism classrooms. I'm not a big fan of the little people:-D I have always really liked the older kids. There are pros and cons. The pros are that I won't get beat up as much, and when I do, it will hurt less. The cons are that I have to start over again with new people, and change is scary. I will miss the staff at my old school. I'm trying to have a positive attitude though. I talked with my supervisor, and told her that I wasn't all that comfortable working with the little people, and she said to try it for a few weeks, and if I still thought that it wasn't for me, then they would look for a new placement for me. I was proud of myself for speaking up, and letting my feelings be heard. That is something new! Another con is that I will be traveling between schools during lunch, which will make it very easy for me to skip that meal. That is really nothing new, but if I want to have my head in recovery, then that is not a good thing. The eating disorder is jumping up and down over the whole thing, and hasn't shut up about it all day. If I want to keep up with the little people though, I will have to eat more than I'm consuming at the moment. The past few weeks have not been good when it comes to food, and my body is feeling it. I'm lethargic, light headed, and shaky during the day. I do eat dinner, if that wins me any brownie points. I know that isn't good enough, and I do want to be better than "good enough."