"Acceptance is giving up the hope of having a better past."
My therapist sent me this quote today, and told me to think about it, so here I am...thinking. Sometimes, the more that I think, the less I understand! I guess I've been thinking that I needed to accept the past in order to move forward, but maybe that is what actually keeps me from moving forward? How does one improve upon the past? Is that possible? Ahhh...such confusion!
If anyone has thoughts on this, I would love to hear them:)
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Therapy Homework
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3 Comments:
This might help: The thought of the day:
"Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it." - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Love
Donn
I find myself struggling with this issue a lot. Should I be grateful for a horrible childhood because it made me who I am today? And if so, isn't that like taking sides with evil?
I wonder if any of us survivors ever fully accept our childhoods. I've not had a relationship with my mother for about 5 years. There is nothing there to pursue. But should she suddenly die, I know there will be deep grief. Why grief? Because now any chance I had that she would change into that loving mother I so needed as a child will be gone forever. That's not going to happen anyway, and on my better (worse?) days I can admit it. But many wounded parts of me are still hoping.
Maybe it's not so much about trying to fix or change or improve the past, maybe it is only acknowledging it for the ugly ugly truth it is and determining to somehow make that ugliness known and by confronting it, by exposing the past for what it is you are able to live fully alive, ready for life in the present. Maybe it is about looking at every moment and saying, "Wow. We've made it this far, there is no telling what the future holds but it is bound to be possible and hopeful." Ya know? Maybe it's about learning a lesson in memory and time. Try not to avoid the memories of the past, instead look at them, let them establish themselves fully maybe, and then keep them with you while you take on challenges and make things better in the here, in the now. no pun intended i swear. i hope that helps, even just a little.
Have you read Kurt Vonnegut's "Slaughterhouse Five"?
Read it, as weird as it sounds, it is an anti-war novel that I think might help in understanding your memories, your thoughts.
I just got done reading it, it's been a huge inspiration to me about the present and defining exactly what the present even is....
I love you.
love, jessieh
PS: Prom tomorrow.
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