Dave and I had a couples session with my therapist last Wednesday, and I have felt shut down both mentally and emotionally ever since. The session was good, but it was also intense and exhausting to discuss topics and feelings that I have always avoided in the past. Silence can be a hard habit to break, but I'm learning to speak up when something upsets me.
Dave made a comment to me last week that brought to the surface so many different emotions. I was walking away from him, and as I did, he said, "Can I have some fries with that shake?" It triggered the eating disordered voice, saying that I have excess baggage, and it also triggered those feelings of my body being looked at in a sexual way. I immediately let him know that I was upset and we were able to talk about it. I know he wishes that he could take back those words, and he would never say something like that if he knew it would hurt me. He just thought that he was paying me a compliment!
I have a therapy and nutritionist appointment tomorrow, but I really don't want to go to either of them. What is there to say? I feel so juvenile and stubborn at the moment. I'm hanging on to all of my irrational thoughts and fears because for some reason, I'm not ready to let go of them. Until I am ready, what is the point? Maybe I just need to take a break before I can go any further.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Therapy, Therapy, And More Therapy
Posted by Angela at 1:32 PM
Labels: eating disorder recovery, secrets, sexual abuse, Therapy
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5 Comments:
Thought of the Day:
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." - Winston Churchill
My heart cries for you. What should have been a tasteless male witticism was a degrading, demoralizing barb for you.
Please continue to go to the appointments and to make an effort each day to work on your eating disorder.
I suffered abuse as a child and later in life and have dealt with depression every day of my existence. I have learned that you have to keep moving, keep doing, keep on keeping on or you can sink into a black pit.
As Willie Nelson says, "I live in the now. It is the only time about which I can do anything."
Angels surround you.
so great that you're willing to step out there and share. keep up the hard work...you can do this!
Angela (may I call you that?), we have the same problem. I become voracious when I'm hungry...but I noticed that when I write (in my blog) it is somewhat "curative" because I forget my craving for food.
So whenever I feel down, I write....I may delete them later but I know it would be therapeutic for me. Don't push yourself, relax and just enjoy what you want to do right now, For me, it is blogging (grins),
Thanks for sharing.
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