Monday, July 28, 2008


I have this strangely ravenous feeling, and I'm not sure that I quite understand it all. It isn't hunger, though I feel as if I could eat everything in sight right now. It is a very scary and out of control feeling, which is why I am here writing about it, instead of eating my way through the kitchen cabinets. I just dropped both of the younger boys off at football practice, and Dave is out playing golf. I feel so self conscious around other parents, and that is just my own insecurity talking, but I never feel as if I measure up...though to what I'm not sure. Anyway, I came home, and feel so out of control. I used to cut myself when I felt this way...that feeling that I'm not good enough, and it just builds and builds, until I have to have some way to release it, by either eating, throwing up, or cutting. Those are all horrible options, and I wish that Dave or someone was home , but they're not, so it is just me with these awful feelings of disgust and self hatred.