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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Anger And Hate

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Having a bad day for most people means that bad shit happens to them. Having a bad day for me means nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, anxiety, and crying. The bad shit happened a while ago, and now I'm trying to deal with it in the present, and usually, not very well. That has been my day...
I awoke from a rape nightmare, couldn't fall back to sleep, blamed all of those feelings on my weight, restricted all day, had flashbacks, tried to talk to my husband, walked on the treadmill, felt intense anger, cried, and now, here I am. What more is there to say? I'm overwhelmed by all of these feelings, and I have no ideas for what I should do with them. The words that I hear in my head are, I HATE...

5 Comments:

Jennifer said...

I'm sorry, Angel. Anger is the right thing to feel, that's for sure, but I can understand how it would be overwhelming considering what brought it on. I do think it will pass. Maybe just feeling it, being overwhelmed and all, is the right thing to do.

Angel said...

Yes. I try to avoid the feelings. Especially anger. It hurts to feel, but it is the right thing to do. Thanks for understanding:)

svasti said...

Hi Angela,

Perhaps its something in the water? I'm also dealing with a repressed memory coming to the surface... and it truly blows.

My sympathies to you at this time. Ofcourse these things pass, they always do. But the question is - what do you do with it in the mean time?

Its tempting to try to numb it out, distract yourself and not deal with whatever your body/mind are trying to tell you.

But this is a time of opportunity, at least that's how I see it. Walking I find helps - fast walking althoug I like to do that outside.

Don't let the hate win. Let the wisdom of your body win instead... that's what I'm trying to do anyway!

*hugs*

Chronic Chick Talk said...

Angela,

Thanks for your word. I'm sorry your having a bad day. Its not easy tring to avoid anger. I hate Anger too. Its easier avoiding it. Its sometimes easier for me to feel my own pain alone. Its been my unhealthy coping skills with my many ups and downs. I hate dealing with angry people.
Chronic Chick Talk

Descartes said...

My own darkness seems to be behind me now, though I couldn't tell you how I got past it. Working out is a good step. Take some Ginkgo and a good multi-vitamin. Drink a lot of water. Be sure to wear sunscreen if you go outside. . .