(Wow, I cannot believe that this is my 400th post! I'm just a writing fool:)
I'm so glad that this is a short work week. I need it after last Thursdays run in with an aggressive student that I work with. He kicked me really hard in the thigh a few times, and then he knocked my legs out from under me, and I fell and hurt my back. I'm still very sore, but I managed to walk on the treadmill when I came home from work today. I'm determined to do whatever I can to overcome this depression and anxiety that I've been feeling, and the walking does seem to help.
Lately I have had this strange homesick feeling in the pit of my stomach, as if I'm missing someone or on the verge of losing someone, but I can't put my finger on what or who it is that I'm missing. It is just a vague feeling that I'm far away from home. I feel the need to cling tightly to my husband, and feel somewhat afraid and anxious when I'm away from him. I'm not sure what all of that is about, but tomorrow I see my therapist, so maybe she can help me to figure out what is going on. I think that part of the problem is that I went off of my anti-anxiety medication for awhile. I wanted to be med free, but I can't be...at least, not right now, so I'm back on them, but they haven't quite kicked in yet. Maybe that is the reason for the random fears and phobias. I have promised myself that this will be the absolute last time that I quit taking my medication like that! I wanted to save us some money, but it's not worth it in the long run. I think that so often, I don't feel like I'm worth taking care of, but I'm trying so hard to turn that way of thinking around. It doesn't come naturally, but I'm making changes and taking positive steps to move forward, and that does feel good.
I'm so glad that this is a short work week. I need it after last Thursdays run in with an aggressive student that I work with. He kicked me really hard in the thigh a few times, and then he knocked my legs out from under me, and I fell and hurt my back. I'm still very sore, but I managed to walk on the treadmill when I came home from work today. I'm determined to do whatever I can to overcome this depression and anxiety that I've been feeling, and the walking does seem to help.
Lately I have had this strange homesick feeling in the pit of my stomach, as if I'm missing someone or on the verge of losing someone, but I can't put my finger on what or who it is that I'm missing. It is just a vague feeling that I'm far away from home. I feel the need to cling tightly to my husband, and feel somewhat afraid and anxious when I'm away from him. I'm not sure what all of that is about, but tomorrow I see my therapist, so maybe she can help me to figure out what is going on. I think that part of the problem is that I went off of my anti-anxiety medication for awhile. I wanted to be med free, but I can't be...at least, not right now, so I'm back on them, but they haven't quite kicked in yet. Maybe that is the reason for the random fears and phobias. I have promised myself that this will be the absolute last time that I quit taking my medication like that! I wanted to save us some money, but it's not worth it in the long run. I think that so often, I don't feel like I'm worth taking care of, but I'm trying so hard to turn that way of thinking around. It doesn't come naturally, but I'm making changes and taking positive steps to move forward, and that does feel good.
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6 Comments:
I have never had bouts with anxiety, but your descriptions of what it is like hit home when I read them.
I have strong ties to home, and when on the road for a few days, get the same feelings in my own stomach!
As soon as I open the door to my place and walk in ... all is well.
When I was younger, I NEVER wanted to be home!
Sorry if this comment is a bit off track - I never do make much sense :-)
Walking always makes me feel better, too, especially if it's outdoors.
I hope your classes get better. What you do is amazing.
Congratulations on your 400th post!
NathanKP - Imagination Manifesto
hey, we all need this a space to write our thoughts c: am happy I have a blog of my thoughts c:
love the pic you chose for this post c:
love also your art works c: are they your? they show lots of emotion and so lovely as well c:
wow..400th post,that a LOT.keep going !
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