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Friday, January 16, 2009

Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall...

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This has been a long, cold week, and I'm so glad that it is over. I have been observing in an autism preschool classroom this week. The student that I work with in the high school is not coming back to school, so I'm being placed in a different classroom. I hate observing. I would rather just jump into the mix. I feel so useless and in the way when I'm just watching, even though I am actually learning a great deal. This feeling of not contributing, and just taking up space has really hit a nerve and I have been emotional all week. I need this long weekend to re-energize my spirit. One of the things that I need to do this weekend is to go shopping for new clothes. I have put it off for entirely too long because I'm afraid. I have a new body that will not fit into extra small, child size clothing any longer. I want to celebrate this fact, but I'm not quite there yet. All that I feel is fear and anxiety, but I know that I need to do this. I'm tired of wearing the same four outfits each week! I think that once I have some clothes that fit, and that I like, I will start to feel better about myself... at least that is what I'm hoping for. Typing that sentence has turned on the waterworks. I'm terrified of looking at this new body in the mirror. I have managed to avoid myself for months, and now...am I strong enough to do this?

8 Comments:

JeanGrey said...

I am not really sure at this point what you're goin' through but.... whatever it is... don't worry, everything will be ok... always look at the brighter side of life... :)

I will come back here to read some more... :)

preeti said...

Hello Angel,

You learn a lot while just being aware or witnessing yourself or what is happening ,it can lead you to relax or meditation.
Enjoyed reading your blogs.May such thoughts flow like a river in your blogs.
Wish you Happy Here and Now moments
Preeti

Greta G said...

I enjoyed reading this entry. I commented already, I thought, but maybe I didn't hit the publish button.

Jill said...

A new body is a new body. It's just different, try not to judge. It doesn't have to be good or bad, it just is. I myself have been every size from 00-10 so I know how uncomfortable it is to be in a body that doesn't feel like it belongs to you. I would encourage you to believe that your body is just a vehicle. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted. We don't love an accept people because they drive a Lexus, the vehicle doesn't matter, it's what's inside the vehicle. I enjoy your blog and will keep reading.

Angela said...

Be blessed honey. Be blessed. From another Angela

Hobo ........ ........ said...

Goodluck !

KAT said...

Yes, you are strong enough!! Believe in yourself!

You can do it!

BTW, you have such beautiful graphics, I wondered if I could use some of them for the magazine I write for? The Angles Weekly, located here: http://www.angelsezine.com/ ?

I would natuarally link back to you and your site, unless there is somewhere else you would like me to get them??

Please let me know...
Thanks,
Kat

Angel said...

Sure, you can use whatever you want. I got the graphics from photobucket, but you can take them from here too. Thank you also for your kind comments. I appreciate all of the encouragement and support:)