Monday, January 12, 2009

Nurturing Myself


In my therapy sessions, we are starting to focus on my negative and distorted body image. I cannot stand to look at or BE in my body. I try to avoid my own image as much as possible, and being naked is especially uncomfortable. I was telling my therapist that I hurry through my shower every morning and put my clothes back on as fast as I can, so she thought it would be a good exercise to try and stand in the shower longer than I usually do and just feel and BE in my own body. It doesn't sound like such a big deal, but it has been a very difficult thing for me to do. The last time that I remember really feeling good about being in my body was during my four pregnancies. During those times, I didn't mind the feeling of my body expanding, and the changes that were taking place. It was so unlike puberty, when I was horrified and disgusted by what was happening. I never restricted my food intake while I was pregnant, and I really didn't worry that much about my weight. My concern was to care for the new life that was growing inside of me. It is funny, but I'm realizing that as soon as I was finished breast feeding each of my boys, the eating disorder would kick in again, full force. I could feed and nurture my children, but not myself. So now I'm learning how to take care of and love myself, and that includes accepting the body that I inhabit. I think that maybe it is going to be the hardest part of recovering from this eating disorder.


Paul said...

Your drive inspires me to keep pushing forward, please don't stop.

Jen said...

I just want you to know I am thinking about you and I hope the best for you in your recovery.

Tabmade said...

Good for you for coming so far. I can't imagine how hard it would be.

Jane Doe said...

I can relate to the negative body image thing. I loathe looking at myself in the mirror and avoid them as much as I can. I refuse to do it at all when I'm undressed. It's a hard thing to get over.

I wish you all the best in your recovery, it's a difficult path to walk.


Reezen TOT said...

Kudos for your hard work towards recovering.. I envy you for your persistence..

Keep on going at it and now I am feeling inspired to do the changes that should have been done ages ago..

May a lot of blessings come in your way...