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Saturday, April 4, 2009

Hopeful

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I really only have good things to report at this time. Isn't that a nice change from my usual angsty postings? This week at work has been much better. My student in the morning had a great week with very few outbursts of aggression, so that has really helped my mood. Also food this week has been better, especially since my therapy and nutritionist sessions on Wednesday. It has been two days since I've purged. My sessions were intense this week. I talked about some things that I had never brought up before. When I was in grade school and junior high, my mom worked a lot. She was a single mother, and she worked very hard to provide for my brother and I. We would come home from school, and the house would be empty, and I would sit in front of the television and binge on food to fill the time. I think that is why I tend to want to eat by myself, and have a hard time eating with other people. Eating alone makes me feel safe, but it also makes me feel alone and guilty. We often talk in therapy about how the eating disorder is not about the food, but we have come to the conclusion in my case that it is somewhat about the food. The food plays a part in the feelings that are attached to it at the very least. We decided that I would try not to eat alone, and that at dinner time I try to be the first one finished so that I'm not sitting at the dinner table all alone. It has really helped me not to purge my dinner, which was becoming a big problem, so I guess this week I had a therapy breakthrough. Isn't that great?! I am feeling very hopeful at the moment.

5 Comments:

Koe Whitton-Williams said...

I love the word. . . hopeful. And I especially love to read it here.

Chronic Chick Talk said...

Yes, I can agree with you there 100%. Growing up in a dysfunctional home does that too you as well. I know when my step father beat on my mom I felt like I was beating her.

Chronic Chick

Dolly's Diary said...

Congradulations on your progress, Keep up the good work,
Take Care,
Janet :)

Anonymous said...

Positive reinforcement is always good. And as you embrace how that makes you feel, hopefully you will continue to seek out the positive in everything around you.

Writing Nag said...

So wonderful to hear you are finding some peace with therapy. Thanks for sharing your story I'm sure it helps a lot of people. Keep writing, there is power in journaling your feelings.