I was just talking to my sister-in-law this evening, and telling her about my medication induced weight gain, and how uncomfortable I'm feeling in my body, and she began to tell me how she struggled with anorexia in college, which is a really common time for women to begin falling into eating disorders. She said that she gained twenty pounds at the beginning of college, and basically starved herself to lose the weight, and then couldn't stop. She said that training to be a swim instructor was what helped her, but that she still struggles with the excessive worry over gaining weight. She is very active and physically fit, and says that she gets up at 4:15 a.m. just to exercise, making sure that she does 15 minutes worth of sit ups, and that her activity level dictates how much she will eat that day. To me, that still sounds a bit disordered, making me think that most women have eating and body image issues. How do you get around that in this society? There is so much emphasis on being thin, and how do you do that and still maintain a healthy perspective. I seriously wonder if it is even possible. I'm so very unhappy with my weight, and can I lose it without drastically restricting my food intake and exercising in excess? Everyone tells me how healthy I look right now, which in my mind means that they think I'm fat...but besides the poor body image, I physically feel great. Do I give that up, just to be thin, and emulate the ideal body image? Why is that even an option in my mind? It should be a no brainer. I wish that it was.
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Being thin is NOT the "ideal body image." It may be in Hollywood but that is not the real world, and you don't live in Hollywood so you shouldn't worry about it so much. In a warped, bizarre, dysfunctional world being thin may be "ideal." But you live in a healthy part of the world with real people. If you think you are fat, you must think everyone else around you is obese and that's just not true. Do you think your boys are fat? No! So if they are OK, why don't you think you are? The word healthy does not mean fat. Healthy is a positive word. Healthy is what you are striving for so don't sabatoge your efforts and look for something negative that is not there.
I really feel that way too. That women in general have body and food issues. Women always talk about how fat they look. And I often hear that they should go on a diet, and that sort of stuff.
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I forgot totally what Iwas supposed to write. The people around me keep mention how healthy I look now. It makes me feel like a bad anorectic. Even though I want to get well again, I feel bad about reaching my goals. Everything I do seems to be wrong. Enyhow great I do things it can be done better.
for me i have no problem with eating. i weigh a whopping 216!! so i could stand to lose quite a bit of weight. and me i would be jealous of women who are so thin, there are women in the program who started working out when i did, i worked out three times a week for about an hour or so for 3 months and lost a total of 4 pounds. they went and lost 30-50 pounds, what was the difference, diet pills, they took them and i did not. so discouraged i am about losing weight and how disgusting i feel when i look at myself, so we relate on that issue, but here is the rub, when i was using dope, i weighed 145. i remember looking in the mirror and not seeing anything but the same fat ugly pig i see today, so how twisted is that. today i focus on being healthy and not having high blood pressure, diabetes or anything like that. i still waffle with the gym, something of a struggle to get support with but i am still trying. i don't want to be fat it just seems to be easier to eat then to feel so empty inside.
I was interested in following you on your vacation. I thought it would be fun to read about all the places you were going and with your kids. You sounded excited about it when you started.
Now your blog is right back where you were before. Talking about yourself and your problem and not the kids and the trip.
I guess you just can't give it a rest for moment, can you? I thought you wanted to enjoy the trip and things that made you happy. I guess not, you would rather continue on this eating theme. I don't know what you look like, but it sounds as if you have gotten healthier and I would think that is a good thing. Right?
You have to be healthy to enjoy life.
So stay healthy and enjoy your life and the people around you.
Have a good trip.
@2nd anonymous: Ready to condemn Angela, but not having the nerve to post your name... Hmmm, that says more about you. This is HER blog and she decides what to post. If you don't like it, move on.
@Angela: I recognize your situation, a difficult one. It reads like you know the right thing, but acting upon that is so much harder, isn't it? Is there somebody you can trust, whom you believe if they tell you something? Ask that person what he/she thinks. You're right that every woman wants to lose a few pounds or more. Nothing wrong with that most of the time, but only you yourself know if it's wise for you! Having had anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder I know dieting is risky for me. Whatever you decide: cherish your body and take good care of it, that's what it (and you!) deserves.
Love, Tink
I have been posting about our vacation if you have read previous posts. This entry was sparked by a conversation that I had with my sister-in-law about weight and food issues. Just because I'm on vacation doesn't mean that I suddenly no longer have an eating disorder, although I wish it could be that easy. Anyway...keep following. More vacation coming soon. Maybe you will comment on one of those post, but probably not.
You are not defined by your eating disorder, and one conversation with someone shouldn't throw you back into your old patterns that are destructive and quite frankly boring. You are on vacation with your family...that is what defines you right now. How can you be looking at the beautiful scenery around you and be even remotely concerned about your eating disorder? Live in the moment!
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