Monday, July 6, 2009

Days Like These


Yesterday I did it. I actually sat by the pool in my swim suit without the cover up! It was a huge deal for me, but I have really decided that I'm not going to let the eating disorder stop me from living my life. I'm proud of myself, but I'm struggling today with negative thoughts about my body, and feeling down in general. I talked with a friend about it and told her that I was having a hard time today and she said, "Ed is just trying to get back at you today but don't let him win. Keep fighting!" She is right, that is exactly what it is. The eating disorder is always the loudest when I'm winning. It hates that, and I need to remember that it is going to try with all of its might to hang on and keep me sick. It is hard when that voice in my head tells me how worthless and horrible I am. I've been fighting all day not to listen, and I'm doing what I can to take care of myself, but I have found myself in tears a few times. I called my mom and talked to her, and that helped some. My kids have also kept me somewhat distracted. The house is filled with their friends and their laughter, and they also have me running them here and there, so for that, today I am grateful. They always remind me that I have so much to live for. I need that reminder on days like these.



You are loved and supported and that's what counts!

Angel said...

Yes. That is so true!

Jane Doe said...

Sorry I haven't been by in a while. I've been living under a rock, very wrapped up in myself. I decided it's time to come out, face the world again, and focus on someone besides myself. Spending too much time in my own head makes me crazy(er).

My kids have kept me sane and alive many times, even when they are driving me insane. I don't know what I would do without them. Keep hanging on and moving forward, you are strong and you are worthy. You keep fighting each and every day. If you were worthless and horrible you would just give up and give in to your eating disorder and let it take you over. Kudos to you for fighting for a better life for both you and your family.



Angel said...

Thank you Jane. I appreciate that!
You hang in there and take care:)