I Don't Believe

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I have therapy in an hour, and I really don't want to go. I also have a couples session tomorrow with my husband, and I'm definitely not up for that. I feel like I don't have anything to say anymore. I know what I should be doing, and I'm not doing it right now. I know that I need help, but I'm not necessarily wanting it. I'm determined to lose this weight, and if I have to be unhealthy to do it, than so be it. I'm frustrated with following my meal plan and doing all of the right things, because all that is doing is maintaining the weight I'm at right now, and that is not a weight that I can happily live with. I know that this focus and obsession with my weight is wrong, but I'm giving up. When I eat healthy, I still obsess over it, so what is the difference? I'm in a hopeless place right now, and I'm also in a place where I don't believe in recovery. I may be weight restored, but my mind is still not in a healthy place. I guess that is what I plan on discussing in therapy. I feel so disappointed in myself, and also sad, but that is where I'm at right now.

Comments

Daisy said…
Hold on dear friend! While there is still life, there is still hope. You have a beautiful mind and you should start from there. From your beautiful world, and try to look for the positive things in life. Sometimes the most simple of things that we easily don't see are the ones that would actually inspire us. As you have said.. "courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try again tomorrow." I'll be praying for you, Angel!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Anonymous said…
We all have days like that, when it seems oh so tempting to fall back into old patterns. Stay strong, and remember that crying is always an option when it feels like too much.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
lynn said…
i can definitely relate to feeling this way - that said, please keep in mind that there have been good days, and you have proof of them.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
American Idiot said…
Oh gosh, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down and out. We all have those days, and certainly those periods in life. There's still a lot to live for, though, you will see. Hopefully talking about it at therapy will help. Good luck, and keep your head up, you can do whatever you set your mind to, even if it takes some time and a lot of frustrating work!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Unknown said…
Angel; I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. It is not right or fair that those of us with these issues have to face what we do every day to just get by. You can do this.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Angela said…
Thank you all for all of your encouragement and support! I'm off to my couples session in an hour. I know that I just need to lean on my family and treatment team during this setback, even though my first reaction is to pull away. I appreciate everyone's good wishes. It means a great deal to me:)
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Ann said…
Hang on and don't give up. YOU are worth the fight.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Jane Doe said…
Hang on girl, I know it's hard, that helplessness and frustration seems so hard to overcome, I've been there over and over again. But you will get through it. Whenever I hit a downswing I just try to keep telling myself, this too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever, even though sometimes it feels as though it might. I hope the therapy helped.

Hugs,

Jane
Thursday, July 30, 2009
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