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Sunday, September 27, 2009

The Journey

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The voices shout their bad advice, and I'm finding it hard not to listen. A wise friend said, "You are only going to relapse if you allow yourself to relapse." I'm in charge. I have choices. I tend to forget that, and the eating disorder is all too happy to take over, stealing my life. Restricting what I eat gives me the comforting illusion of safety. I can't control the brain tumor that is growing inside of my husband, but I can control my own body. The eating disorder numbs all of those scary feelings, and I'm afraid to let it go. I know what I need to do. If I can reach out, letting go of the silence, I can find my voice again.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late enough,
and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world, determined to do
the only thing you could do
--determined to save
the only life you could save.

Mary Oliver

6 Comments:

Shinade aka Jackie said...

Hi Angela,

I'm afraid it's me that doesn't have much to offer today.

I am down today but this is as always a very lovely poem!!

Hugs,
Jackie:-)

clean and crazy said...

honey you are so amazing, i am truly moved by your honest and loving thoughts you put on this post about your husband and yourself. hang in there, moment by moment if you have to. i have faith in you and i have never lost it.

Ann said...

Beautiful poem Angela. You have a very wise friend. Take control my friend and tell the voices to be quiet.

Poetic Shutterbug said...

Your words always make me stop and listen to my spirit. This is an exquisite piece of literature.

KAT said...

You never fail to amaze me with your writing! Hang in there and stay strong.

Maybe an award will cheer you up?
An award is waiting for you over at Candles, Crafts and Whatnot. Congrats!

:) Kat

Wanda's Wings said...

Please take my friend.