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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Near The Edge Of Dawn

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I startle easily, jumping like a newborn from the slightest touch or any sudden sound. My jumpiness can be embarrassing, and I often feel as if I'm not connected to myself, drifting part way between some other world. I have nightmares that aren't really nightmares. They are memories that play out in my sleep, near the edge of dawn, and I wake up raw. Every sound is louder, and every touch hurts more. I cannot even stand affection today. It makes me want to cringe and cry out, and if I could find some way to disappear I would. I still smile and go about my day, because that is what I know I have to do. I'm grateful that I have people to smile at, and who also smile back, even when I feel so mean inside.

8 Comments:

Mike Golch said...

I can relate to the jumpiness.I was once grabbed from behing by a couple of inmates.turns out the were part of a prank that my fellow corrections offers decided to pull on me.

MegaMan The Mad man said...

A smile is worth a thousand compliments...Glad you have support..pass on the smile it's contagious..eventually it will reach me...

Shinade aka Jackie said...

i can relate too Angela. Mine got so bad that the medicine I currently take blocks almost all dreams!!

I rarely ever dream anymore. Some time I miss it. But, when I remember how bad they were then I am okay with only dreaming a little bit.

I apologize for not stopping in last night when I dropped by.

It was late and as you can imagine tensions are taught here right now and Walter and I were having a wee bit of grumpiness with each other.

But, we made up and went to bed. So I am hear today to send you smile and a hug!!

Thank you so much Angel for your support and your kind words. It really meant a great deal to me and all of us!!

Big big hugs!!
Jackie

Robin said...

"I cannot even stand affection today."

I know this feeling well.
{HUGS}

Ann said...

Your post kind of reminded me of the song that has the line in it "I'm dieing inside and nobody knows it but me" I can't even pretend to know how you must feel but I can stand on the sidelines and root for you all the way.
I want to thank you so much for the sweet words you left on my blog. You made my day.

Wanda's Wings said...

I can truly relate to the jumpiness. It is really a pain to deal with. I am sorry you have the nightmares. They can be really rough. Smile do help, even the broken spirit. Hoping some comfort and rest for you.

NOS said...

Angela, I relate to a lot of what you're saying in this post: the jumpiness, the memories, the distaste for affection, the fake smiles. I'm glad you're able to express yourself here on your blog.

Wishing you well,
NOS

One Creative Queen said...

I love how your poss are so honest, open and raw. It's like you're able to pull out things I feel - and write them. I love reading your blog.

I also love your background - it's beautiful! xx