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Friday, September 4, 2009

Doesn't Play Well With Others

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What a crazy work week! I'm really ready for things to settle down in our classroom. We have one student who is really aggressive towards staff and other students. He really needs a different placement, but that probably won't happen anytime soon. He makes the classroom environment very stressful. Last year he worked in a room by himself, and now I can see why. He bites himself, and bangs his head on the walls. He has already put a hole in the wall from one of his tantrums. I worry not only that he is going to hurt himself, but that he will hurt someone else. It is a very unsafe situation. He throws a tantrum when presented with work tasks, and has a problem with transitioning from one activity to the next. He isn't used to being in a classroom setting, so it is difficult for him to participate in group activities. The entire day feels like a battle, and I'm shell shocked by the time it is over. So now the weekend is here, and I'm relaxing and blogging with a glass of wine.
I had my therapy session on Wednesday, and we opened the letter from my dad. He didn't even mention the fact that he had found out that I had been raped. He said that he didn't feel like I was being fair to him. That just pisses me off! When was he ever fair to me and my brother? He never once takes ownership of any of the mistakes that he has made. He finds so many other places to lay the blame. Nothing is ever his fault. Well, it is his fault that I was raped that night. If he had been protecting me the way that a father should have, it never would have happened, but I was only in his way. He said that this would be the last time that he would contact me, and I hope that is true. I'm done, and I don't feel guilty anymore for not letting him back into my life. He is still only sorry for himself, not even caring about the ways in which his actions have hurt others. I feel a sense of relief, mixed with sadness and disappointment. I had hoped for more, but now I can let go and move on. I'm glad that we read the letter. I would have always wondered if I was doing the right thing by cutting him out of my life. Now I know that at this point, I am doing the right thing for me.
No wonder I needed a glass of wine tonight!

9 Comments:

Ann said...

Sounds like you deserve that glass of wine after your tough week. I can't imagine doing what you do on a daily basis. I would never have the patience.
Sorry you didn't get what you expected from your father's letter but letting go and movig on is the best thing you can do.
Enjoy your weekend and have a glass of wine for me too :)

Mike Golch said...

a glass of wine or a nice hot soaking bath may help unfrazzle the nerves,Me I vote for the saok.

Chinaski said...

I am sorry to hear about your father. Mine is not much different. Very self-absorbed and oblivious to everything and everyone else. I am sorry things did not work out better. Enjoy the wine and your weekend.

Jane Doe said...

I'm sorry it went poorly with your dad and he didn't own any of his mistakes that caused you harm. I am happy for you though that you are ready to move on.

*hugs*

Jane

PJ said...

i really do commend you for what you do. i would not have the patience for that career. it takes a truly awesome person to do that.

about your dad, you know what kind of a person he is and pretty much expected the things he wrote to you. you are accepting that fact and by allowing your emotions to exist you are also allowing yourself to move through them. accept them. feel them. move through them. you are doing the right thing for you, and you start anew.

much love to you my dear friend!

Wanda's Wings said...

I glad you are able to be able to cut contact with your dad. It sounds like this is what is needed. It also sound like you have your hands full at work. Enjoy your glass of wine.

enchantedoak said...

I don't know if this is the proper way to invite you to be a follower on my blog, and vice versa....
Your posts are thought-provoking, and you may find similar thoughts on my blog...but whatever...it is a joy to read your posts.

Descartes said...

One day at a time, and maybe one glass of wine at as well.

enchantedoak said...

P.S. I saw your comment and that you signed on as a follower on my new blog. It feels like Christmas! How do we respond to one another's comments? If I post one on my blog about something you said, does some kind of note go to you?