THOUSANDS OF FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATES

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Promises

Photobucket

Last night I went to my last AA meeting. It was horrible, and I felt uncomfortable through the whole thing. It was a men's and women's group, and was fairly small. We had to sit around in a circle, and then stand up, say our names, say we were alcoholics, and talk about what we are grateful for. I'm really shy in front of people that I don't know. This was the first meeting that I've been to where I was put on the spot. For one thing, I refuse to say that I'm an alcoholic, so I didn't. I said a few short sentences about what I'm grateful for, and that was it. I was very nervous while waiting for my turn, and I couldn't even focus on what anyone else was saying until my turn was finished. The whole religious aspect of AA also really turns me off. I called my therapist after the meeting and told her that I wasn't going to go anymore. I started crying, and was very upset because I thought that maybe she would stop seeing me, but she told me to calm down, and that we would work something else out. I don't know what that will be, but anything has to be better than AA for me. I'm really glad that it works for others, but for me, it doesn't fit. I have to be comfortable in a situation before I can get anything out of it. Including the meetings that I went to when I was in treatment, I've been to eight meetings, and have never felt at ease with any of them. I think that I'm very overwhelmed with the thought of never drinking again, but if I break it into smaller parts, and just focus on each day, it feels more doable. For now, while I'm still in therapy and working on my recovery, I promised my therapist and my husband that I would not drink, and I have every intention of keeping that promise.

6 Comments:

Mike Golch said...

I'm sorry that you feel uncomforale with A.A. Meeting.Not all meetings are like the one that made you feel this way.I will keep you in my prayers that you will find something that helps you.

Wanda's Wings said...

You have to do what is comfortable for you. There is no healing if all you feel is stress. Take care my friend.

Poetic Shutterbug said...

I agree with Wanda that you have to do what is comfortable for you. You will find what's right for you, it's just a matter of patience and time.

Ann said...

sorry the meeting didn't go well. I know of a couple people who gave up on them because they just didn't work for them. I guess it's not for everyone. It certainly wouldn't do you any good if you don't feel comfortable. I'm sure between you and your therapist you will find a solution that is right for you. Hang in there.

Ruth said...

Hope you find something that works for you soon! I've heard that art journaling can be helpful but never tried it myself. (((((HUGS)))))

Anonymous said...

So this isn't for you..so be it. As you know some of us have a different mind set on your drinking. Don't make this the main focus....focus on being yourself and healthy. That is all I want for you. And if you get that done then we can celebrate and have a drink.:) ;)

Love old man in Florida. Coming soon to a theater near you.