Taking A Break

It felt so good to sleep in this morning. I've had too many nights of insomnia lately, so I needed a few extra hours of rest. I'm off work until Monday, and I plan on taking an actual break from everything having to do with recovery. That doesn't mean that I plan on being destructive at all, it only means that I need a reprieve from focusing so much on what I need to be doing, or what I'm failing at doing. In therapy this week, we talked about my desire for perfection. I expect it from myself, but I also project that on to others, feeling as if everyone expects me to be perfect. My slips and slides on this recovery journey tend to trip me up. I feel like I shouldn't be making mistakes. I'm going to use these next few days to be thankful for where I am right now, and for all of the blessings that I have. Today I'm going to bake pumpkin bread and apple crisp to take over to the big feast tomorrow. I'm looking forward to spending the day with family, and especially my nieces. I'm going to teach my niece, Riley, how to knit. I bought her some child size knitting needles, and some fun yarn to get her started. I'm going to focus on family, and not on the overwhelming amount of food. I'm going to eat what I can, not worrying about what other people think of my portions, or how much or little I eat. I'm going to do whatever makes me feel the most safe and comfortable at the time. If I can't eat much, that will be okay. I've been thinking about the fact that I usually tend to drink too much on holiday's. I know that I do it to relax and calm myself when I'm anxious, especially when I'm worried about the amount of food I may be expected to consume. This year is going to be different, and I'm taking the pressure off of myself. I'm not going to be drinking, and that will be good, but it will also be hard. Pressuring myself to eat at the same time would be too much, so I'm not going to do that to myself.

Well, that is all for now. Hopefully I will have some pictures to post from our celebration in the next few days. Wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! Much love to you all.