Monday, December 14, 2009

Now Is What Matters


I'm feeling better today, even though it is still so grey and gloomy outside... Oh, and did I mention, absolutely frigid!
I had a good day, even though I was observed by the parent of the student that I work with. I was nervous about it beforehand, but it went well, and he seemed pleased by how I handled his behaviors. I was worried about it all weekend. I tend to get overly anxious and worked up over things in which I have no control. Now I only have four more days of work, and then Christmas break. It will be three weeks of heaven. This week I will be getting ready for my parents visit. We put the tree up last night, and now I'm feeling more festive. I've been knitting like a mad woman to finish up my scarves for Christmas gifts. I also sold two of them at work, and I still have a couple to do for friends. I think it has helped to keep me sane, but I do think the increase in meds have already helped some.
I finally called my dad back today after weeks of avoiding his calls. He left a message on my machine today, and asked if I would go to one of his therapy sessions with him. When I called him, I told him that I would think about it, and that maybe we could meet for coffee and talk sometime before I go back to work. I actually feel relieved that I called him back because it was weighing on my heart and mind. I think that I just want to keep moving forward and away from the past. It is what it is, and placing blame on others really isn't getting me anywhere.
Food has been better. Last night I had a chicken sandwich with Dave, and then at lunch today I had some pita chips with hummus, in case you all care what I eat! What I should eat feels so complicated and overwhelming. Maybe after the holiday's I will have my nutritionist make me out a specific meal plan to follow so that I don't even have to decide what to eat for awhile, at least until I can get back on track. I'm afraid of gaining back the weight that I've lost, and feel as if my self worth is based on what I weigh. I want to get past it, but I'm at loss as to how to do that when so for so long, it is what I've believed. I know that it doesn't even work, because even when I've been at my thinnest and sickest, I've not felt good about myself. Today I feel like I'm in a good place, and now is what matters.


Ruth said...

Sounds like you're doing really good today! Don't worry about "shoulds", just what feels right for you right now. Getting a meal plan from your nutritionist is a good idea though.

ghost girl said...

meal plan - good idea.
glad to see you are feeling better.
you took the worth = weigh words right outta my mouth. and no. it does not work. we know this!
peace to you!

Wanda's Wings said...

I glad you are having a good day. Sounds like three weeks are going to be packed.

Ann said...

It's good to hear you sounding so positive. The next time you're feeling down think of this day and cut yourself some slack. Enjoy those 3 weeks off you lucky girl. I only get Christmas day off.

Grampy said...

Have fun with your time off.You are on a good move forward.Possibly planning your weekly meals may be a good idea.Too many people worry about weight.Too little too much.If you are feeling good with yourself today that is all that matters.