Sunday, March 28, 2010

My Weekend In A Nutshell


Here is what I wrote in my journal on Saturday~

I’m bored with myself today, and near tears for no reason whatsoever besides the fact that I’m feeling lonely. I talked with my mom and step-dad on the phone, and that helped some, but it also made me miss them. How I can feel lonely in this household of boys is beyond me, but I do. My husband is into March Madness, so he's not being very attentive, and I'm feeling sorry for myself. I think that maybe I’ve eaten too much for dinner, and feel close to the point of purging. In fact, I can think of no good reason not to. I think that it will make me feel better, although I know that it won't. Something needs to make me feel better. It is rainy here today and all that I’ve done today is laundry, cleaned a toilet, and gone to the grocery store. How pathetic is that? God, I’m sorry that this post sounds so depressing and horrible! Maybe instead of purging, I will walk on the treadmill. That would be much healthier, but still make me feel better. There, I’ve problem solved…good for me:) Okay, enough whining. I’m just going to get on with it, and look for some joy. It has to be around here somewhere.

Today, so far~

Yesterday was a waste, and so far today is also proving to be a waste. Of course, I’m the one who is wasting it, but I’m at a loss. I have no money to shop, everyone is involved in March Madness, which is literally driving me mad, and it is rainy and cold. All of the things that I can do are things that I don’t want to do like cleaning and laundry. For some reason, I’m feeling unloved even though I know that to be untrue. My perceptions are usually quite distorted, and I know this, but it doesn’t make looking through my eyes any easier. Speaking of distorted, I feel enormous and ugly. I think that I ate too much yesterday, and as I type, my kids are in the kitchen eating whatever they want. How wonderful would that be, to just eat without worrying yourself sick over it? Ugh, I need to snap out of this funk, and soon! Next week is supposed to be beautiful, warm, and sunny. I’m sure that will help me kick these blues.

*I think that this depression is from missing my anti-depressant for an entire week, but knowing this doesn't make it feel any better. I'm looking forward to Easter, and spending time with my family, and all of my nieces and their cousins. Some sunshine would help me a great deal, so look forward to some positive posts coming up soon:)


Ann said...

I can relate to feeling like you totally wasted the day. I seem to do that every weekend. There are things to do but I don't have the energy or desire to do any of them.
I hope that you start to feel better soon. Hang in there.

Ruth said...

Hope you feel better soon! I've been in a "do nothing" funk myself for a while too, haven't figured out yet how to get out of it. As far as missing your meds, would it help to find some non prescription/natural remedies? See if this helps for a start:

Paula said...

Dear One, I have learned during my recent therapy that sometimes it is simply ok to feel down. First it felt weird, actually I thought I never could do that. By now, I have learned when I stopp berating myself for being depressed it frees energy and takes aways pressure. This energy I can use to do something positive. There are days where one is so down not being able to so anything at all. There are days where one is doing some: like daoing laundry, going shopping, cooking. I would consider to did manage some and that is better then being down compleetly and not doing anything. Some is good. Besides I sometimes acall myself "a nut in a life shell" Hugs

Sunny said...

Feeling much the same way here, except I was into March Madness for a while too (now that UK is out, I really don't care). ;)

I hope you have a better week this week! Call me if you ever just want to chat.

<3 ya!

Anonymous said...

Just came across your blog accidentally and I must say that I can totally relate to how you feel. Wasted days and feeling alone in a house full of people...This is my life everyday. Hope you start feeling better soon.