Monday, May 17, 2010

A Foreign Feeling


This is day four of following the new meal plan, and all is well. I'm used to drinking a Boost in the afternoon, but I went to the store and bought some lunch choices to replace it, and I'm having the Boost in the morning for breakfast. Ingesting calories in the morning is hard for me, because I've never been a breakfast eater, and it took a lot for me to get through lunch because in my head I already knew that I had 240 calories. The calories add up in my head, and I get a bit freaked out by that, but I did it. I make it through dinner because I know that I can work out afterward, and that helps a lot.
I feel so motivated to do this, and it feels foreign for me to be taking such good care of myself, but for once, it doesn't feel wrong. I truly believe that I deserve to be happy and healthy. This is not about what my body looks like anymore, but about how I feel on the inside about myself. Starving never really did achieve what I wanted it to. What I always really wanted was to just disappear so that I wouldn't have to hurt so much. I was slowly killing myself, and at the time, that was fine for me, because I didn't believe that I was worth saving. I'm gaining self worth, and I've never felt so alive and joyful before. It feels strange, but so very wonderful, and there is nothing I want more than to hang onto this feeling.


Paula said...

You go girl!

Ann said...

Good for you Angela. Hang on to that feeling, you deserve every bit of it.

Missing In Sight said...

You ARE worth saving! Congrats on the new feeling and eating food for breakfast. Important milestones. Go team!

Paula said...

Passing by to have some lunch with you :-))) Across the pond lunch. I am so happy for you breaking this pattern with so much awareness and dedication. Hugs