Not Eating And Other Random Stuff

Today eating is not going so well, in fact, actually it is not going at all. Why does it feel so hard to walk into the kitchen and fix myself something to eat? If someone else made it for me, the likelihood that I would eat would probably increase. The act of actually nurturing myself is so very difficult. I want confirmation that I deserve to eat…that I am worthy. Crazy, huh? I plan on eating dinner, but that is the best that I can do today, considering that it is already 4:30. I'm trying not to beat myself up for it. I know that there will be days like this, but I wish that I could pinpoint why some days are easier than others. Oh well...here are some other random things to talk about besides eating disordered behaviors:)

• We are having an amazingly beautiful thunderstorm here at the moment. I lit some candles in the house, and turned on the twinkle lights that adorn the mantle on my fireplace. It is pretty. I like it:)
• Today #4 son brought home a piece of crap garage sale chair that vibrates, without asking first, and now it is sitting in our front yard getting soaking wet! Gotta love it, because what else am I going to do?
• #4 son also decided to walk to Taco Bell with friends. It was before the storm hit, and now he is somewhere stuck in the rain. Dave went looking for him, he is not at Taco Bell, and isn't answering his cell phone. He probably isn't carrying it, which is a rule, so can we all say GROUNDED! #4 son is something else. He is the one who needed stitches, of course:)
• #1 son racked up a $500 cell phone bill because he was talking to his girlfriend for hours. #1 son, who is also 19, doesn't have a job, and took a year off before going to college. Can we all say freeloading sponge:) All said in jest, of course. He is a good kid, no drugs, tattoos, or piercings. I'm the only one who gets tattoos and piercings;-)

Enough randomness for now. I'm off to cook dinner, and yes, I'm going to eat some of it.