Wednesday, June 30, 2010



This half smile feels like more effort than it is worth today. I remember Monday, the sleep filled nightmares, but Tuesday is a blur, and my husband just informed me that today is Wednesday. A day lost...a walking dream. I recollect the pain, as it rolls over into this day, and I feel like I can barely speak without tears. I understand selective mutism. How many years of silence, the words swollen and aching, festering like an infected wound. Please don't touch me, I long to scream, not now, while my flesh still crawls. Don't comfort me, don't help me. It hurts too much.


Ann said...

I wish there was something i could say that would make things better for you. Hang in there.

Flannery said...

Love and strength. Sometimes it just blows, sometimes it's just too much. Love and stength, my friend.

Paula said...

Somestimes all we cqn do is breathing, Just breath.

Kimmy said...

Angela, your site is always a blessing to me, even when I am on my hermit butterfly cloud. Angela, I have been blessed by knowing people here, online, as well as my daily life that goes through this more than we like to. Maitri's last blog 6/20 really hit home for me. It spoke of exactly how we feel when we are alone. We need this time to recuperate our energy as healers, and feelers. I have found myself this spring and summer with my hands in the garden, in water, or anything to reconnect me to the energy of the earth. When I was down in the winter, I used music to guide me through. We all recharge our energies differently. You cannot give up seeking how you were meant to recharge. I started stopping at book stores on the way home from a long drive and a long day from work. I never picked up a book. I walked through to recharge my energies from the others that were in such a good place!! Then I was able to go home, and have the energy to continue my day. I am sending you energy, and know that you are not the only one. You are a blessing my butterfly angel. Namaste. Kimmy

Lily said...

I've used this picture before.. it is so powerful.

Never read your blog before, but I see we have mutual readers.

Nicole said...

I also understand selective mutism, but I wish you didn't understand this. You are such a bright and beautiful person and I hate to know that you are hurting. Ihope the rest of your week has been better and that you are feeling some relief.

I'm thinking of you and sending all of my love <3<3<3


Anonymous said...

You can't leave the man who is super in the dark about things like this!!!!


Angela said...

I never want anyone to worry about me. I'm okay, I just hurt sometimes, and I need to learn how to cope on my own.