Monday, October 18, 2010

Small Triumphs


"And see how the flesh grows back across a wound, with a great vehemence, more strong than the simple, untested surface before. There's a name for it on horses,
...when it comes back darker and raised: proud flesh, as all flesh, is proud of its wounds, wears them as honors given out after battle, small triumphs pinned to the chest?" - "For What Binds Us", by Jane Hirshfield

I've never thought of looking at my wounds and scars as small triumphs, but they are. I was always ashamed for not fighting back...for somehow asking for it, as most survivors of rape do, but I'm coming to believe in my strength not as a victim, but as a true survivor. The mind has wonderful ways of protecting itself from painful memories, but eventually those memories rise to the surface. Dealing with the memories is certainly painful, but also freeing. My silence served a purpose, but my voice is now longing to be heard. I'm beginning to talk, I write, and in doing those things, I'm slowly letting go. I never thought that night four years ago when I told my husband, that there would be so much pain, fear, and anger inside, or that I would hold on to it so tightly. It was mine alone, and who would I be without it? I could only hide from myself for so long, and now I'm finding out that I'm really going to be okay. It is a wonderful realization. I feel the triumph of my spirit beginning to shine through.

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clean and crazy said...

your strength moves me. what a wonderful post

Paula said...

Oh yes, we work so hard to overcome. When we finally close the wound and it turns into a scar - well, that was a moment were I thought of an American saying: turn your scars into stars.
Mill of hugs to you!

Wanda's Wings said...

Healing can be so painful, but at the same time such a wonderful release. You are getting stronger everyday. I am so proud of you.

Flannery said...

*CHEERS!* ((((hugs))))
As ever, you are simply amazing.

Ann said...

You are a survivor, way to go Angela.