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Saturday, November 20, 2010

Second Chances

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Besides having a cold with a very annoying cough, I'm doing well. Two of my sons celebrated birthdays this week. My youngest turned 14, and my oldest is now 20, so that means I have eaten dessert twice. Cheesecake and french silk pie! Eating anything after I have already eaten dinner is hard for me, but I did it. I admit to wanting to restrict for the rest of the week, but I'm really going to try hard not to. I'm always glad when I can sit at the kitchen table with my family. I miss so much when I don't participate. Last night one of the boys had recorded a conversation that he was having with his brothers, and then played it back to them while we were having dessert. I love hearing their laughter and the interactions they have between each other. It was a good time.
I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving break, and spending time with my family. All of the food during the holiday's really overwhelms me though. At work everyone is bringing food all of the time, and I struggle with eating with people. I also feel pressured to eat, and it looks odd to others when I don't, which makes me feel awkward. I try to avoid all of that, but sometimes I'm stuck in a food situation that I can't get out of. There was a Thanksgiving feast in the kindergarten classroom on Wednesday, and I really wanted to meet the parents, so I went, and I ate. I felt uncomfortable, but I did it, so I'm patting myself on the back. I just need to keep pushing myself, and the next month is going to give me plenty of opportunities to do that. I have several parties in December to attend, and of course they all include eating. It is going to be hard for me not to want to restrict prior to an event, just to make up for what I will eat during the party. I'm always thinking ahead, and even though I don't always seem conscious of it, I'm planning and doling out my calories throughout a day. It is second nature, and a habit that I need to work on breaking. Three years ago my Thanksgiving was spent at Renfrew, which is an inpatient eating disorder facility. It was a very sad time for me, and one that I never want to repeat. I'm thankful for second chances.

5 Comments:

Wanda's Wings said...

Angela,
You did great. How we must cherish the times we have with are family. Family loves above all else! Hope you have an enjoyable Thanksgiving.

Ann said...

It sounds like you're doing good, keep it up and have a wonderful Thanksgiving

Flannery said...

It's good to hear you sounding good! I hope the holidays fill up your heart, and that the holiday food doesn't stress you out too much. And even if it does--"I'll try again tomorrow".

Much love, always!

I Hate to Weight said...

i don't like these food holidays, but this year is a million times better than the past. for many, many years, i didn't go to any holiday meals

hang in there. do the best you can. i think it's good to talk and write about it, because you will have some feelings around it. if we suck it up, i believe it will have worse effects than if we share our feelings.

good luck! good luck to all of us

Shinade said...

I agree with everyone else. It sounds like you are doing good. I do so hope you have a great week!
hugs,
Jackie:-)