Looking For The Way Back

I don't feel like I have anything to say, but here I am, so maybe there is something on my mind. I'm going to free write, so hang in there:)
Things feel strangely quiet and calm in my head. I'm not eating much, so I'm sure that is the reason. Eating disorder to the rescue. As usual, someone brought food into work, and why is it that people get so offended if you don't eat what they brought? I've always been a people pleaser for the most part, but right now, I could care less. I called my therapist last night and told her that I hadn't been taking my medications. I expect everyone to hate me as much as I sometimes hate myself, but she wasn't angry like I thought she would be. Instead she was very compassionate, which helped my state of mind quite a bit. She said we would figure it all out at our next session, and not to be so hard on myself. She knows me so well. All I've been doing is beating myself up over everything. I wish that I would be harder on myself when it comes to the eating disorder. I allow myself to slip back whenever things get too hard, and too bad it works so well. It seems as if I have lost all of my healthy coping skills. I'm going to keep looking. It's never too late to find my way back to where I need to be.