Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Morning Musings


It is 4:00 a.m., and here I am. The nightmares get me everytime, and although I could wake my husband up for some comfort, I don't, mostly because I feel unclean. I used to take a bath after one of those dreams having to do with the rape, but I have to force myself not to because what would happen is that I would cry, have flashbacks, and then dissociate. I've even been found in the bathtub by my husband with my clothes on, so instead I got up, made myself some tea, and decided to get on the computer. I suppose that it is good that I've learned to use another way to cope. I have therapy today, so maybe we can figure out what triggers these dreams. I hate them so much! It always affects me the day after, and it doesn't help that I'm tired from not getting sleep. I'm also worried about a new student that we are getting today. He has some severe behavioral issues, and will need a lot of support. He will have a para coming with him, and although the para knows the student, he has never worked directly with him before. It will upset the balance of the classroom for awhile, which is fine, but I'm worried about the student that I work with who also has very challenging behaviors and is quite aggressive. I think it will be a little crazy for awhile. I love my job, but there are days! Yesterday I was thrown up on by one of my 5 yr. olds. I went to wipe his runny nose and all of a sudden he puked right into my hands. Lovely! :) Okay, sorry that was probably too much information, but it's all in good fun :-D
It has helped so much to write this morning, so thanks for reading. I love my little blog!


Blue Butterfly said...

You know what I really loved about this post? That it ended on a completely different note from how it started. ;)

I hope your therapist and you manage to work something out together!


Just me said...

Yeah, I love how this post finished! Check out the smileys! It's great to see how much writing can help :) xxx

Sia Jane said...

For what it's worth, I think you are amazing xxxx

Ann said...

tea and blog writing sounds like a good way to keep your mind occupied.
No fun getting thrown up on, that's bad enough when it's your own kid doing
Good luck with the new student

Ruth said...

Sorry to hear you had a rough night, it's good that you found a better way to cope though. Have you ever read Louise L. Hay's book "Heal Your Body"? It's really interesting, it lists different medical issues and affirmations that can help deal with them. I looked up a couple that you might find useful:

Anorexia - (Caused by denying the self life, extreme fear, self-hatred, and rejection) "It is safe to be me. I am wonderful just as I am. I choose to live. I choose joy and self-acceptance."

Depression - (Anger you feel you do not have a right to have. Hopelessness.) "I now go beyond other people's fears and limitations. I create my life."

Angela said...

Ruth, I love those affirmations! Thank you:)

Haley said...

I'm glad that you found another way of dealing with the nightmare rather than dissociating yourself with your body!
P.s. I'm studying to be a Secondary Ed English teacher, so I don't think I'll have to deal with puke as much, but your job sounds fun all the same!
Praying for you and your new student
<3 Haley