Saturday, March 12, 2011

No Explaination

sadness Pictures, Images and Photos

My heart hurts today, but for some reason, I cannot pinpoint why I'm feeling so sad. I tend to escape when I feel this way, so I took a three hour nap, hoping the melancholy would be gone when I woke up, but, no, it is still hanging on. I find myself taking deep breaths and trying not to cry. It is the beginning of my spring break, the weather is beautiful today, and I should feel fine. There is no explanation for this, but I keep expecting one to come to me. I went and bought some wine, which maybe wasn't a good idea. I know that it is probably not the best way to deal with my feelings. Precisely...I don't deal with my feelings. All that I want is the numb to take over. The eating disorder doesn't always work anymore. Sometimes the feelings still sneak in, taking me by surprise. I see my psychiatrist on Tuesday. Maybe I need a med change or something. I've been taking my medications like I should. I should probably just figure out why I feel the way I do. Actually feel the feelings, and get on with it. Intellectually, I'm really pretty smart. Hey, a compliment to myself. What do you know!!! I am, only I don't put it into practice. This post is full of "shoulds." I'm like a robot going through the motions.
This week at work, a coworker who claims to be psychic, came up to me, gave me a hug, and said that she felt a sadness in me, and that I was closed off from the world. Pretty perceptive, but psychic?...I don't know. I don't like when people see through me though. I like to think that I'm good at the facade that I present on the outside. I think that the best thing to do probably is to acknowledge this sadness, try to have a good cry, and move on.


Anonymous said...

Have that cry, and maybe get out for a walk tomorrow if it's still nice. You don't have to be happy all of the time, and sometimes it's good to cry. Don't be so hard on yourself. No one expects you to be perfect. You are precious! (seriously)

Love you!

Just Be Real said...

Sorry for your pain of sadness dear one. Here listening.

battleinmind said...

I'm sorry you don't know why you feel down, sometimes I feel sadness just because. No reason, just because I do. No should involved, remember you have a right to feel how you feel.

Sunny said...

Well, if she really is psychic, then you can't exactly hide from her. ;)

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I know it can get tough sometimes. I'm certainly not the best person for advice, as you well know. Melancholy seems to be my middle name at least 1/2 of each month.

That said, I'm glad you posted this. I think it's good to get it out and organize your thoughts. I hope you speak to your doctor about your medication...maybe a change is all you need.

Love you tons.
Enjoy your break! Try something new...that always helps me get out of a funk. :)

Anonymous said...

Trust me, you do not hide it as well as you think. It is like you have a long distance look on your face. Any idoit(psychic)could see that much. HA!!