Wednesday, April 13, 2011

My Voice


"I will use my voice and not my body."

I have been thinking about this statement. When I use my body, what I'm trying to say is look at me, I need help. This was especially true at the beginning of the anorexia. I couldn't ask for help, or even admit that I needed help. I stopped eating and used my thinness as a cry for help. My mom was the one who confronted me after losing a significant amount of weight. At first I denied that there was a problem, but my husband jumped on board and insisted that I see a therapist. It took me over a year of therapy before I decided on my own to go into a treatment facility. I'm trying to use my voice, although it is difficult for me to do. I tend to say that I'm fine when anyone asks, and I still push people away at times. I think that what yoga is teaching me is to find strength in my body, which also creates a certain amount of strength in my voice. I'm using my body in a good way, as opposed to a destructive way. There is a pose that most people have heard of, and it is called childs pose. I posted a picture of it. When I do that pose it invokes a feeling of honoring the child that I was, acknowledging her pain, and finally being able to move on. I am moving on. I can feel the growth, and I'm beginning to see that I no longer need to use my body to get my needs met.


I Hate to Weight said...

WOW! there's not much else to say -- you're seeing and feeling growth and healing. Go, Angela!

and that you're allowing yourself to heal.

Wanda's Wings said...

Way to go! You are really doing a great job.

shard said...

I'd never thought of the Child's Pose that way, but I see what you mean. I've always liked that pose - I'm not really sure why - it just feels so natural and calm. It makes me feel very grounded.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend, but I'm glad that you're getting through it, and focusing on healing. Keep going, it's worth it; you're worth it.