My Voice

"I will use my voice and not my body."

I have been thinking about this statement. When I use my body, what I'm trying to say is look at me, I need help. This was especially true at the beginning of the anorexia. I couldn't ask for help, or even admit that I needed help. I stopped eating and used my thinness as a cry for help. My mom was the one who confronted me after losing a significant amount of weight. At first I denied that there was a problem, but my husband jumped on board and insisted that I see a therapist. It took me over a year of therapy before I decided on my own to go into a treatment facility. I'm trying to use my voice, although it is difficult for me to do. I tend to say that I'm fine when anyone asks, and I still push people away at times. I think that what yoga is teaching me is to find strength in my body, which also creates a certain amount of strength in my voice. I'm using my body in a good way, as opposed to a destructive way. There is a pose that most people have heard of, and it is called childs pose. I posted a picture of it. When I do that pose it invokes a feeling of honoring the child that I was, acknowledging her pain, and finally being able to move on. I am moving on. I can feel the growth, and I'm beginning to see that I no longer need to use my body to get my needs met.