Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Separate Selves And Becoming Whole


I didn't go to work yesterday. In the morning, I had a doctors appointment, and I was going to go back in the afternoon, but I felt emotionally exhausted and drained. It has been a rough couple of weeks when it comes to feelings. I'm not always sure what to do with them. I think that is the problem...I'm not pushing them away, shoving them down, and starving to get rid of them. They are overwhelming at times, and there are memories that I never have actually dealt with before, and they are frightening. I woke up from a nightmare on Friday. It was a dream of a real memory, and it made me physically sick to my stomach. I thought, "How could they have done those things to a little girl." Maybe sometimes I still separate myself from the child that I was, but I think that I'm trying to integrate my two separate selves into one whole person. I don't have to dissociate to get away from those memories anymore, and I haven't done that in awhile. I'm learning to deal with everything in a healthy way, and as painful as it is, I'm making my way through. I sure do cry a lot though!


Wanda's Wings said...

Facing what happen to us as children is the hardest part of healing. You have really come a long way. Crying is OK. If not I'm in real trouble. lol I just can not get over how good you are handling things. Keep up the hard work.

I Hate to Weight said...

this is amazing. such hard work, and you are doing it!

have you ever looked at Geneen Roth's Women and Food and God? she feels you must got thru the pain to get better -- you must look at it, acknowledge it and not run from it.

this has always scared me, but this is what you're doing.

i wonder if you know how big and how important this is. i give you SO much credit

Eve said...

Crying is good. And this does stink. I am sorry for what you have gone through but very glad for what you are learning and how you are able to help others through what you are learning. The pain will lighten as you continue.